how did I get it so wrong?

Leave a comment

how did I get it so wrong? by Valerie Parente

You think I’m devastated from losing you
but I realize now, I never lost you,
I lost the person I thought you were.
I thought you were a best friend that valued my company,
I thought you were a best friend that I could spend hours talking to about anything and everything,
I thought you were a best friend that I could go on adventures with and learn what it means to be an adult with,
and the most devastating realization of all is that I thought you were a best friend who would never dare hurt me in the way that you did…
because you said you’d get back to me while I was struggling to breathe but as I was fighting for my breath you couldn’t have cared less and as the months came and went you replaced all the time we spent in a matter of seconds
and now I realize with tears in my eyes that to me you were the person I wanted to share my life but to you I was just a fill-in-the-blank until you found a better name.
I’m not saying you’re not allowed to grow up and have a life but, dear God, why did you have to make a game out of mine?

To anyone who’s cruel enough to call me a crazy bitch
because I have to write it all down since I still can’t speak about it out loud
then go ahead, do your worst, because I’m already hurt.
If it makes me a lunatic to be devastated by losing the past few years to someone who left me hanging in my own noose then go ahead and cut out my brain, examine its flaws, because I’ll be the first one to say that I’m a lost cause.

– Valerie Parente (8-6-2020)

On My Own

Leave a comment

On My Own by Valerie Parente

It’s been three months alone
trying to have adventures on my own
at the places we used to go
undoing every single milestone
’cause I’m single but not stone-cold
and I still get pretty emotional.

I’m making progress, but it’s slow
still learning how to cope
with this loss you called a hoax.
Lucky you, it was never official
but you know you still filled that role
created an illusion that felt whole.

In these past three months alone
I’ve found new ways to fill that hole
without relying on some hope
that a man could make me a home
because I’ve got home in my soul
and this ugly road made me feel beautiful.

– Valerie Parente (8-4-2020)

It’s About Time

Leave a comment

It’s About Time by Valerie Parente

Don’t put off the thing you’re ready for if it makes you nervous
because the only thing you’re doing is putting off progress.
If it goes bad now you know why and it won’t torment you anymore,
if it goes well you’ll be blessed with a brand new chapter.

– Valerie Parente (7-24-2020)

Trust Me, I’m Okay

Leave a comment

Trust Me, I’m Okay by Valerie Parente

I think people think that I’m stuck in place
because I still talk about the pain
but I swear that’s not the case;
it’s just hard to verbally move on
when you have ritualistic thoughts
and such a prevalent mental scar.
I promise that at the core of my ego
I truly don’t want what I wanted three months ago
I just can’t help but memorize the pain from your low blow.

Trust me, I’m okay today and every other day.
Sometimes timing just doesn’t matter with the OCD brain
and it’s just a matter of accepting the ways our mind plays.

– Valerie Parente (7-23-2020)