Polished Mirror

Polished Mirror by Valerie Parente

Everything is so much clearer
now that I’ve polished my mirror;
reflected on what went wrong
and I’m so beyond moving on.
That’s the thing about retrospect,
you learn from the bitterness,
from what you could not detect,
until it became past tense.
It’s not about what I want, now that I know what I need
and I’m ready to see all that I’m meant to see
with this perspective that’s been reflective
now that I’m finally clean.

– Valerie Parente (3-1-2021)

The One That Got Away

The One That Got Away by Valerie Parente

My deep-seated
obsessive need
to resolve every one
of my teenage dreams
comes from
my inability
to forgive myself
for developing a deadly disease.

I gave up a decade of my life
I gave up adolescence as a whole
I didn’t have a social life
I didn’t have a chance to grow.
I lost important relationships
I missed out on milestones
I let good things get away
in the name of starving my throat.
Anorexia took half my life
in ways I will never know.

So when I suddenly reappear
and it seems out of the blue
when I recall my childhood
like it was yesterday’s news
that’s because the last thing I saw
before sickness came through,
the very last thing I saw
was a different version of you.

I’m 26 years old
and suddenly I remember it all
I’m 26 years old
and it’s nobody else’s fault.
Do not blame yourself
you did nothing wrong
.
That’s what I tell myself
when the regret comes along.

I don’t know if it’s because
the world is in a dire state
or maybe it’s because
I’ve hit a certain age
but this year I’m realizing
all of my critical mistakes
and my biggest struggle now
is not in what I delayed.
It’s not about getting back
what the eating disorder took away.
It’s not about finding romance.
It’s not about a psychological escape.
It’s not about fixing relationships
or finding new ones to create.
It’s about forgiving myself
for losing a decade.

So when you hear me say
I miss what was nearly mine
the one that got away
the one still on my mind.
I’m not talking about someone
in front of my eyes
because the one that got away
was me all this time.

– Valerie Parente (12-4-2020)

Actually Healed

Actually Healed by Valerie Parente

I always thought it would be a gradual process
and maybe it was and I just didn’t notice
but it seems overnight I stopped caring.
There’s opportunity to hurt but I can bare it.
And if I had one lesson to preach
it would be that you should believe
that, with time, you will heal from your heartache
and you don’t have to understand that today
but all of a sudden the loss of a relationship
will no longer have any negative connotations.
It’s over and I’m perfectly fine
and all I remember is the good times.
Now when I look back I can laugh
with absolutely no emotional strings attached.
Because I really
truly
from the bottom of my heart
have moved so far on.

– Valerie Parente (11-16-2020)

Subconscious Effort

Subconscious Effort by Valerie Parente

Nothing makes me believe in the divinity of the universe
more than the synchronicity between art and the subconscious;
because I could write and write and have no idea what I mean
but when I take a look back I can see what I needed to see
and to think that I initially didn’t understand what I was referencing in my piece
yet it found a way to acknowledge and explain my mentality
that to me is proof that the universe and all its cosmic incredibility is responsive and alive
even inside the deeply hidden facets of my mind.

– Valerie Parente (10-8-2020)

Scary

Scary by Valerie Parente

I scare off potential suitors
because I’m scared of potential in suitors.
I say that I don’t want to be alone
but I panic when I’m not on my own.
Maybe I like to be creepy, I like to be prude
because I see every guy as creepy and I’m not full-proof.
So next time I have the nerve to wonder why I’m a lonely person
make sure you remind my nerves that their the ones warding off perfectly fine men.

– Valerie Parente (9-8-2020)