Tag: Eating Disorder

Flood

Leave a comment

Flood by Valerie Parente

Numb
numb
numb
then like a flood
I felt it all
grief, guilt, but most of all
the feeling of being loved
and I could never be mad
at the way my loved ones loved me
when I was incapable
of feeling sorry
because they were the ones that cared
when I was too scared
and they cried
cried
cried
like a flood
in dry air.

I feel it all now
for all those times that I caused pain
and I just want my support system to know
the love was never in vain
the storm clouds are gone
but I am here, I remain
and I am more grateful
than a flower is to rain.

– Valerie Parente (5-9-2025)

Heart In My Throat

Leave a comment

Heart In My Throat by Valerie Parente

I had a distressing dream
that my heart was in my throat
and the voice inside of me
didn’t know how to flow.

I struggled to tell the elders
I could not survive like this
but they were just happy
that love in me still exists.

All of my love and heartache
at the same level I consume
the two were not the same
but my signals were askew.

A heart in the throat
is a very strange case
I could still feel it all
it just came from the wrong place.

It is not an easy way to live
and I had trouble vocalizing
how I would not survive
but I kept on surviving.

When I awoke, I remembered my youth
and how I thought I’d die instead of grow
but here I am, my adulthood so full of love
each day fulfilled beyond my wildest hopes.

I think it was young me all along
trying to communicate
“Thank you for believing I was wrong”
to the elder in me today.

– Valerie Parente (1-26-2025)

Hunger

Leave a comment


Hunger by Valerie Parente

I was never any good
at decoding my appetite,
was I really hungry
or was I empty inside?
Not in the pit of my stomach
but my heart and its hole,
looking for an object
for my affection to go.

I strive for permanence
but permanence scares me,
I’m afraid of full
but full is not finality,
there’s a fleeting hunger
that comes and goes,
and I am an example
of the flux and flow.

Ever since I met you
I feel the endless regimen,
the cycle of hunger
is a permanent impermanence,
a satisfaction then a longing
hungry, full, then hungry again,
and you remind me
that this makes me human.

I will always come back
now that I’ve had a taste
I finally understand my appetite
and the way it is paced.
I will always want you again
just not all at once
and I am no longer afraid
of a man’s permanence.

– Valerie Parente (1-19-2025)

Funhouse Reflex Hex

Leave a comment

Funhouse Reflex Hex by Valerie Parente

I have come up with a perfect spell
to keep my body dysmorphia in check,
a hex that allows me to see my mind as it is flawed
and my perception as how those flaws manifest.
First I look at someone I find beautiful
and all I see is skinny and perfect
then I imagine my face on the same exact body
and suddenly all I see is excess.
It is this brilliant trick
that takes me out of my own head,
it is this foolproof witchcraft
I call my Funhouse Reflex Hex
where I can finally separate my reality
from the mental virus
and I can see the flaws aren’t in my appearance,
they’re in the psychological defects.

– Valerie Parente (1-31-2024)

Frostbite

Leave a comment

Frostbite by Valerie Parente

I don’t think peace of mind
is meant for those alive.
There’s no such thing as closure
there’s only getting older
and though I say I pray for relief
there’s a stronger part of me
that’s encased in thick ice
from the post traumatic life
and I know if I let it melt away
I won’t know who I am today.

Here I am, frozen alive
and it is not a surprise.
To live is to identify with time,
to live is to be encased in ice
and it confuses most
that it feels far from cold.
When frostbitten on the skin
it feels like perpetual burning
and I never quite let go
of the warmth in my soul.

– Valerie Parente (1-2-2023)


Fire Games

Leave a comment

Fire Games by Valerie Parente

“The thing about playing with fire,”
remarked the squire,
“is that, make no doubt,
you will get burnt out.
You played games
with dangerous flames
for over a decade
and you forgot that burns
never fully fade.
Be cool with your words,
you aren’t the young blood you once were.”

– Valerie Parente (8-5-2022)

The Undead Mermaids (A Fantasy Chronicle)

Leave a comment

The Undead Mermaids by Valerie Parente

Little girl skipping pebble stones
in the bay behind her little home
mother told her not to go
but to that little lake she strolled.

She played a dangerous game
with creepy mermaids her age
they said “dip your toes in the lake”
beneath the water lily maze.

Little girl offered one tiny inch
that’s when she got sucked in
groped and bitten
by those devious sirens.

Then took place the wicked spell
the undead mermaid hell
little girl turned into one of them
luring other girls to that realm.

Prominent were their ribs
with hair that became thin
so emaciated and addicted
to rotting in their grey skin.

Once choice is all it takes
a little curiosity in your brain
to turn you into a slave
recruiting more undead mermaids.

– Valerie Parente (4-23-2022)

That’s The Moon

Leave a comment

That’s The Moon by Valerie Parente

Look up high
at the night sky.
See that? That’s the moon
it’s not an excuse
it’s an explanation
to something complicated
something I don’t think I’ll ever fully understand
but when I break it down as a symbol I stand a chance
to make sense of the voice inside
this methodically mad mind.

Do you see that? That’s the moon
and it belongs to you too.

– Valerie Parente (6-16-2021)

I Want To Be Heard

Leave a comment

I Want To Be Heard by Valerie Parente

It’s not that I want to be famous,
it’s that I want to be heard,
and I know I can touch you,
if you get in touch with my words.

I took a lot of carefully constructed time,
from a child to the adult I am now,
I try my best to add a positive spin,
a piece of beauty in an ugly crowd.

There is nothing more important than a voice,
I realized that when I was a sick teen,
and if you don’t like what you hear,
you sure as hell have the right to intervene.

I saw a lot of talk about mental disorders,
that glamorized the illness over healing,
and I knew right then and there,
I wanted to patch over the bleeding.

There are always silver linings to our pain,
and it took a long time for me to see them,
but the one thing that saves me every day,
is the process of creating and artistic freedom.

I didn’t go through hell for nothing,
mental health awareness is the goal,
there’s a darkness we can manipulate,
shedding light in the shadows.

Make it meta, make it metaphorical,
make these poems layered infinitely,
I’ve got your back and that’s a promise,
if you’re kind enough to listen to me.

– Valerie Parente (6-7-2021)