Being Abnormal

Being Abnormal by Valerie Parente

It’s just lonely…
when you’re not allowed to express pain
because you’re the mentally ill girl who can’t be taken seriously,
when you’re not allowed to drive the freeway
because no one has faith in the skills you’ve achieved,
when you’re not allowed to paint your face
because you never give in to a normal level of intimacy,
when you’re not allowed to respond to hate
because defending your mental state is a luxury,
when you’re not allowed to remember heartbreak
because normal people don’t take this long to grieve,
when you’re not allowed to cut to the chase
because only crazy people act with so much honesty.

It just gets kind of lonely inside my brain
when even your loved ones can’t understand how you operate,
because I know that my honest-to-God pain only frustrates,
adding a whole new layer to what should be normal heartbreak.
I guess what I’m trying to say
is that ordinary things like a broken heart or a common sickness
are a lot harder to cope with when you have a mental illness
because people always have a million rational reasons for why you’re incorrect
but your hyper-sensitive mind has never been dictated by such logic.

– Valerie Parente (10-9-2020)

The Vulnerability of Hope

The Vulnerability of Hope by Valerie Parente

To have hope is to be vulnerable
and open to disappointment.
When you are hopeless nothing can hurt you,
you’ve given up and everything is pointless.
It is better to be hopeful
despite the pain that will transpire
because God chose us for the human experience
and that is this life’s greatest honor.

– Valerie Parente (8-28-2020)

Love Vs. Obsession (One in the Same)

Love Vs. Obsession (One in the Same) by Valerie Parente

What is the difference between love and obsession?
Because the two are synonymous in a mind like mine.
And I’m really not trying to cross a line
but I can’t control the way feelings reorganize my mind.

Why is obsession only beautiful
when obsession is mutual?

You say I have to apologize when I care in that beautiful way
Everybody else gets to experience love without the shame
Now the girl with OCD starts to love and it’s called insane
But I really can’t help it that love and obsession have always been one in the same.

You Never Know Who's Hiding

– Valerie Parente (4-24-2020)

Innocently Me

Just A Simple Swing

Innocently Me by Valerie Parente

I refuse to feel guilty for being innocently me.
I do nothing to compel, I just act like myself.
You’re not really scared of me,
you’re scared of how you feel when you’re around me
and how you feel when you’re around me is not my responsibility.

– Valerie Parente (3-1-2020)

Rather Be Haunted

Rather Be Haunted by Valerie Parente

Emotions haunt me like ghosts
manipulating the energy inside of me
drawing from what I want the most
because my intensity sets the ghosts free.

The more meaning in my interactions
the more meaning in my poetry
because these interpersonal relations
have me evolving spiritually.

I used to identify as the tortured artist
but now I identify as a human being
creating words so painfully honest
Hurt, feel, heal, then repeat.

The pain never starts out pretty
but the ghosts give me an artistic opportunity
in turn I give them the satisfaction of being seen
while I turn those emotions into a masterpiece.

It isn’t easy learning through ghosts
but if its between getting what I wanted
and the force of emotional growth
then I would rather be haunted.

Haunted

– Valerie Parente (2-25-2020)

Playtime

Playtime by Valerie Parente

He doesn’t know how emotions work
that’s why he plays with mine
like building blocks
towering so high.
But if you’re going to toy with me
then make me your doll
because I’d rather feel pretty
than be built up to fall.

"Sugar" by Valerie Parente

– Valerie Parente (2-2-2020)

Playing With Storms (Diagnose Me)

Playing With Storms (Diagnose Me) by Valerie Parente

I’ve got five different disorders and I can’t afford to be diagnosed with another
But ever since the grief I’ve feel like my brain has spawned a new monster
My emotions are so intense and I freak out then repent
People ask me why I acted out
and I honestly can’t remember why
I remember doing the deed
but I don’t remember why I felt it was necessary
all I remember is that I really truly believed in the feeling’s intensity
and I played with thunderous storms even though I don’t even like the noise
and I think that’s pretty scary
when you can go 25 years understanding the string between your actions and emotions
then suddenly don’t remember why you did something so intense
its like you’re sitting in a backseat watching yourself
there’s a barrier between you and what you do
a major disconnect
and I can’t even begin to try to figure out why
I just know that my mind has become so hard to find
I’ve got five other disorders that I understand inside and out
but I don’t understand the reasoning behind this new rage filled spree
It would be so much easier to address this if someone could just diagnose me.
Please, just diagnose this storm inside of me.
Because then I can begin to master the storms artfully.

The Storm Maker

– Valerie Parente (1-28-2020)

Emotional Depth

Emotional Depth by Valerie Parente

On the nights I can’t express myself
It’s because I feel underwhelmed.
The world of feelings is my fuel
and I’ll be damned if I don’t bruise.
If there is no emotional depth
then I am nothing but useless.

If You Want Me You Can Have Me

– Valerie Parente (11-24-2019)