Real To Me

Commentary on Rather Be Haunted.

Real To Me by Valerie Parente

How miraculous it is when you’re realizing
that there is a mirror between the universe and your psyche.
I saw a ghost and I thought it was real,
I had a connection with a boy that I thought was real
and whether it was real on the outside or just make-believe
this haunted experience had a real impact on me
so to come up with the title without even thinking
about how that metaphor mirrored my psychological making
became another “a-ha” moment where I knew God was with me
and without a doubt I know He was partaking in my journey.
These synchronicities don’t happen every now and then
they happen all the time, it’s just a matter of recognizing them.

– Valerie Parente (7-12-2020)

Valerie’s Thesis

Valerie’s Thesis by Valerie Parente

If there’s one goal in my social life it’s to enchant another person’s mind
The perfect interaction is a transaction where I teach you and you teach me
Just promise you’ll teach me without being preachy
because I thrive on being enlightened and I die when you condescend
so help me understand the world outside and I’ll translate the art sitting in your psyche.

Nothing bothers me more than when someone thinks I’m just a dumb girl
because inside my mind is a large web of things that make me obsessed
and I know that comes across like I can’t find my thoughts.
The truth is I just struggle with my words when I have to speak them into the world
but give me paper and a pen to write and I promise I’ll blow your mind.

I know it sounds pretentious but if I’m being perfectly honest
I’d rather you read what I write than see my picture and click “like”
Yes I still have an aesthetic but that’s just the visual poetry of my intellect
If I have to post my face to get your attention and enter the conversation
then I’ll gladly pose in place only to switch your direction to mental reflection.

I believe our minds are a never-ending storm given a body in this crazy world
that God gave us physical anatomy as our way of making sense of mentality
The pain that comes with having an ego serves to recognize the other in a collective soul
So you better be damn sure that if I find another mind that can discuss this even one time
then I’m going to hold onto that conversation like it’s my most valuable human connection.

– Valerie Parente (4-16-2020)

Matryoshka Dolls

laceMatryoshka Dolls by Valerie Parente

I am an artist.
I was born to create.
I was created, to create.

We are infinite stories within stories.
Entire populations,
Entire worlds,
nested in mind after mind after mind after mind…

– Valerie Parente (1-21-2020)

My Prayers

My Prayers by Valerie Parente

Somebody pray for me

I worship through art
written word is my prayer
it is my recorded conversations with God
the art I make through my maker
and I am in love and in awe
of the world inside the creator
because the mental has spawned
when I transcribe to paper.

– Valerie Parente (9-12-2019)

I Am My Own Savior

I have had a major breakthrough in the past few weeks.

Before I get into the details of this breakthrough, I need to reiterate the warped thought patterns I’ve had throughout my entire adolescence. Ever since I hit puberty I drilled it inside of me that finding a romantic partner was the key to happiness. And this deeply rooted belief affected me in literally every area of my life. Instead of helping me progress, it stunted all of my growth.
“When I fall in love I’ll be able to start my life.”
“When I fall in love I’ll be able to move out.”
“When I fall in love I’ll be able to stop being anorexic.”
“When I fall in love I won’t be afraid of germs anymore.”
“When I fall in love I’ll feel satisfied with my experiences.”
“When I fall in love I will have a purpose.”

And it took me a hell of a long time to realize that all of this was complete and utter nonsense. Yes, I was told over and over again that it was nonsense, but that didn’t stop me from believing this fallacy and letting it dictate my life.

I can’t tell you what exactly happened the past few weeks… but suddenly… it’s over. Those feelings are gone… and not “gone” in the sense that I kept telling myself I didn’t need someone else but in the back of my mind still longed for it; “gone” in the sense that I completely and irrevocably do not feel like I need someone. Do I want someone? Honestly I don’t really care. But do I need someone? No. Not at all.

Maybe this epiphany hit me because I started reading a lot of nonfiction and expanding my mind and forcing myself to go out and do activities on my own and be my own date for the day. I’m not sure. All I know is that beyond any fraction of a doubt I have had a major spiritual awakening. I can’t explain the “how” of it happening, but I can tell you the outcome. I, for the first time ever in my adult life, feel like I don’t need to be saved. I feel completely satisfied and at ease with the fact that I am my own savior. I am the one who is going to be with me at the end of every single day and I am going to be there for myself and I am not scared of this fact anymore because I am whole on my own. I have everything I need inside my soul and I feel truly connected to the force that created me, whether you want to call it “God” or the “universe” or whatever. I believe in myself. I believe I am made of unconditional love. I don’t need love, I am love. I can rely on myself. I refuse to wait for someone to start my life because my life is here and now and in every present moment and I truly feel like I am never alone. Something inside me feels protected and loved and so far from being on my own while paradoxically feeling like I am a soul that can rely on itself to feel complete.

Now I am just sitting content; looking back at that teenager who numbed herself with mental disorders and I cannot believe I wasted an entire decade thinking so little of myself and putting so much on hold for wait for a savior… and I am in awe that the savior my ego was crying for was me all along.

I am not afraid anymore. I am full and happy and truly in awe that I get to be me.

I do not need anything, I have me.

– Valerie Parente (8-4-2019)

Divinity

"You Are Divine" by Valerie Parente

“Dear child,” the being of light proclaimed, “For too long you have been wrapping your identity around victimhood. You are not a victim. You are Divine. You are strong. You are powerful. You are made of the most powerful forces in the universe and that is why you are conscious. Remember your roots. Remember your power. And you will do this through knowledge. Educate yourself. Enrich your life with experience. And depend on no one to save you. Lonely? Teach yourself. When it hurts, listen to the lessons. When it feels good, bask in your essence. When your ego deeply yearns for something please remember that you are not your ego and the things that matter in the grand scheme of life transcend your ego’s instincts and one day in a timeless realm you will feel this deeper than you ever imagined possible. You have learned all of this before you were born, your flesh suit has simply forgotten. All the answers are prevalent to your Divine essence. Activate the soul inside. The answers glow inside your self. Look to yourself, and nobody else. You are Divine.”

– Valerie Parente (7-18-2019)