Antidote

Antidote by Valerie Parente

There was a lot of angst and frustration
but the antidote to that bitterness
was to be exposed in all my distress
that’s why I documented it
knowing one day you would notice
and I didn’t care if you agreed
I just cared about being seen.

– Valerie Parente (5-26-2021)

Blue to Green

Blue to Green by Valerie Parente

From blue to green,
a pool of tears
feed the tree
just like the pain
that lived in me,
the key to life
in my bloodstream,
the blood on my skin,
always life’s key,
lying in the grass
not lost at sea,
you hurt then you learn,
a gradient to green.

Now green, from blue,
once so sad
but then I grew
because heartache
changes you
in the color
of a bruise
and I can’t heal
without the proof
so writing it out
was how I moved
across the spectrum
now green, from blue.

– Valerie Parente (5-21-2021)

Bonus

Bonus by Valerie Parente

You are not my goal,
but you are a bonus.
I learned to live without,
so now I can live with.

– Valerie Parente (3-25-2021)

I’m The Bad Guy

I’m The Bad Guy by Valerie Parente

I’m the bad guy
because I knew how to use my words to paint a picture of how it felt inside.
I’m the bad guy
because I wanted someone I cared about to have a permanent place in my life.
Somehow I’m the bitch and cold-hearted
because I removed myself so you could have the relationship that you wanted.
I’m the bitch and a creep
because losing all the good times devastated me.
I’m the psycho and a trouble-maker
for the tumultuous sadness I’ve put to paper.

I guess it just amazes me that to this day
I’m the one with all the blame
for the hyper-sensitivity I put on display,
the thing about me you once called a strength.
And you might ask “Why is she not over this yet?
Why can’t she shut up and just forget?”
But who cares? This is anonymous.
If its hard to read, that’s your own conscience.

I’m doing better in so many ways
but I think that as the seasons change
it reminds me of the old days
and that brings back a lot of pain
because nothing destroyed me more than when I left
well aware that I was about to lose a good friend
and every now and then I just need to express
the very worst feelings that once felt the best
because it’s still confusing to comprehend.

I want nothing but the ability to cope
with the scars that once marked my hope
and I’m not sure why I even have to explain myself
to the very people who ridiculed my mental health.

– Valerie Parente (10-3-2020)

How It Is

How It Is by Valerie Parente

How tragic it must be
to know you are someone else’s life lesson
in the grand scheme.

How frustrating it has been
to know I look like the bad guy
in someone else’s conscience.

But how remarkable it truly is
that being on someone’s mind
can have an impact on their life.

– Valerie Parente (9-26-2020)

Sad

Sad by Valerie Parente

I’m sad
about the things that still don’t make sense.
I’m sad
about decisions I try not to regret.
And I’m really sad
but I know that I did what needed to be done.
I guess I’m just sad
that you never tried to stop me once.

– Valerie Parente (9-23-2020)