The Guardian Angel Complex

The Guardian Angel Complex by Valerie Parente

When you lose a friendship, it creates a hole,
you notice all the places you used to go,
and a crater in the shape of another soul.
But when you lose the life of a friend,
there is a Guardian Angel Complex,
and you still feel their spirit in your chest.

This is precisely why my worst grief is not from death
but from the loss of a relationship.
I know that in death there is peace,
in death, you are still with me.
But when a relationship meets its demise
it fades with all the good times.

Wipe your tears, there is no need to cry,
at the completion of someone’s life.
In the physical world someone can fade away
but in death they materialize into an emotional state.
Do not make grief the enemy,
grief is the universe’s way of hinting at peace.
When there is loss of life and you feel disbelief
that dissonant feeling is all the proof you need
that the souls that leave with love, live on infinitely.

– Valerie Parente (2-9-2021)

Too Much Loss For One Year

Too Much Loss For One Year by Valerie Parente

This has been a really devastating year
with more loss than our brains can comprehend,
some said with goodbyes
some with unfinished sentences.
It’s not that we’re okay with the loss,
it’s that we didn’t have a chance to lament.
It’s not that we’re dwelling in the past,
it’s that there was no proper end.
And it’s not that I’m mad or insensitive,
but there are some goodbyes I simply cannot accept.
Some explanations are not just explanations
but a farewell, my dear friend.
And I guess the collective conscience within all of us
is learning a very hard lesson,
that the world will keep on turning
no matter who’s lost interest.

– Valerie Parente (10-17-2020)

Sitting on Skulls and Bones

Sitting on Skulls and Bones by Valerie Parente

A pile of skulls and bones,
she sits on them like they’re her throne,
resenting the death that rots beneath
while presenting the depths of her beliefs.
So much destruction from perfectionism and ultimatums,
so in love with what she had, but love’s what made it complicated.
She was suspended in a bittersweet purgatory,
still existing, but never free,
not quite in heaven, not quite in hell
and you’d be surprised how bad that felt.
So she did what she does best,
she poured her heart out then she left
convinced there’d be a saviour,
but no one came to save her.
Now she mourns all the love she once had
while the things she loved don’t mourn her back.
It’s a truth she has yet to accept
so she built this throne out of death.
Coping by spinning gold
out of moping that has grown old.
So regal in all of her grief
turning life lessons into a trophy,
because there’s so much value in every loss
you don’t fully see it until it’s gone.
Now she sits here in grateful defeat
honoring the things she willingly reaped.
Dead and gone but not dead inside
because this gratitude is still raw and ripe.

– Valerie Parente (10-9-2020)

Minds change but hers stays the same

Minds change but hers stays the same by Valerie Parente

She makes an effort not to cry every day
and the professionals don’t know what to say
because she’s well aware that sympathy fades
and people lose interest when you’re not okay
but she’s already made it up in her broken brain
that she’s going to mourn until she can replace
all the memories she was risky enough to make.
She knows it’s not a healthy way to operate,
she understands how a psyche builds and breaks
and she can read a mind from a mile away
but that’s what got her in this vulnerable place,
she forgot that other minds can give and take
and she kept giving to what became an empty space
because she was hyper aware of another’s mental state
and that’s why it hurts so much when minds change,
that’s why it hurts her so much, every day.

– Valerie Parente (9-7-2020)

Missing You

Missing You by Valerie Parente

On anniversaries like today it feels like you’re missing
but it’s not a matter of missing you;
I just miss when the means to recognize you were easier
you still exist with me, just in a different shape and form
in a realm that isn’t easily perceived on earth.

– Valerie Parente (8-23-2020)

The Very Real Reality

The Very Real Reality by Valerie Parente

I talk openly about my mental health
in the hopes that it helps
the people who have a hard time with words
who need a voice that understands the hurt.
These themes revolve around love and loss
and how it replays in obsessive thoughts.
To some it may not seem pretty
but a light needs to be shined on OCD
instead of just ridiculed and teased
because this is the very real reality.
These are not personal attacks, they’re symptoms of a mental disorder
it’s not commentary on anybody except the sufferer
I pray you can separate yourself from my mental health journey and find solace in this truth
that when it comes down to brain chemistry, this has nothing to do with you.
You deserve to lead a life that is happy and free
but please, don’t look for that through me.

– Valerie Parente (8-21-2020)

A Blessing Named Tuukka

A Blessing Named Tuukka by Valerie Parente

I was so afraid to love again
scared that the love I had for her would divide
but as soon as I met him
I quickly realized
that when a heart has no more room
just like magic, it multiplies.

– Valerie Parente (8-7-2020)