Pick A Fight by Valerie Parente
Sometimes I just want to pick a fight
because I don’t know how to deal with my pain inside
and transferring the blame onto someone else
makes it easier to deal with the battle happening within myself.
– Valerie Parente (2-27-2020)
Rather Be Haunted by Valerie Parente
Emotions haunt me like ghosts
manipulating the energy inside of me
drawing from what I want the most
because my intensity sets the ghosts free.
The more meaning in my interactions
the more meaning in my poetry
because these interpersonal relations
have me evolving spiritually.
I used to identify as the tortured artist
but now I identify as a human being
creating words so painfully honest
Hurt, feel, heal, then repeat.
The pain never starts out pretty
but the ghosts give me an artistic opportunity
in turn I give them the satisfaction of being seen
while I turn those emotions into a masterpiece.
It isn’t easy learning through ghosts
but if its between getting what I wanted
and the force of emotional growth
then I would rather be haunted.
– Valerie Parente (2-25-2020)
Silenced for Safety by Valerie Parente
Few things feel as bad
as leaving people you love with no explanation
not because they don’t deserve one,
but because you’ve been traumatized to the point that it feels safer just to stay silent.
– Valerie Parente (2-18-2020)
Hostile Environment by Valerie Parente
It was never about correcting actions,
it was about control.
It was never about bettering me,
it was about bullying me.
It was never about teamwork,
it was about tyranny.
It was never about reaching out,
it was about retaliating.
It was never about improvement
it was about intimidation.
It was never about positivity,
it was about your power trip.
It was never about building me up,
it was about breaking me down until I finally gave up.
And you might think that you’ve won
but the fact that I left before you could have the satisfaction of spitting in my face one last time says otherwise.
– Valerie Parente (2-18-2020)
Connection by Valerie Parente
I’ve been looking for a way out of this mind
And somewhere along the line I realized
that connecting to someone else was my way out
and that’s why I acted like it was do or die
when I recognized your third eye
I was crazy and intense and emotions were high
because I swore this connection was my only chance
to be freed from the pain I idealized
and when you say something I really want to know why
because finally I’m intrigued by a mind other than mine.
– Valerie Parente (2-6-2020)
Playtime by Valerie Parente
He doesn’t know how emotions work
that’s why he plays with mine
like building blocks
towering so high.
But if you’re going to toy with me
then make me your doll
because I’d rather feel pretty
than be built up to fall.
– Valerie Parente (2-2-2020)
It’s Not You, It’s Me by Valerie Parente
the problem isn’t you
it’s me
and my inability
to see you differently
– Valerie Parente (1-29-2020)
Playing With Storms (Diagnose Me) by Valerie Parente
I’ve got five different disorders and I can’t afford to be diagnosed with another
But ever since the grief I’ve feel like my brain has spawned a new monster
My emotions are so intense and I freak out then repent
People ask me why I acted out
and I honestly can’t remember why
I remember doing the deed
but I don’t remember why I felt it was necessary
all I remember is that I really truly believed in the feeling’s intensity
and I played with thunderous storms even though I don’t even like the noise
and I think that’s pretty scary
when you can go 25 years understanding the string between your actions and emotions
then suddenly don’t remember why you did something so intense
its like you’re sitting in a backseat watching yourself
there’s a barrier between you and what you do
a major disconnect
and I can’t even begin to try to figure out why
I just know that my mind has become so hard to find
I’ve got five other disorders that I understand inside and out
but I don’t understand the reasoning behind this new rage filled spree
It would be so much easier to address this if someone could just diagnose me.
Please, just diagnose this storm inside of me.
Because then I can begin to master the storms artfully.
– Valerie Parente (1-28-2020)
Real Things by Valerie Parnete
You say that my fantasies aren’t real
but my fantasies influence my reality
far more than the things you say.
– Valerie Parente (1-19-2020)
I Just Want Attention by Valerie Parente
All I really want is attention
to make up for what I lost
because I ruined something good
by wanting more than I got.
I can’t help stringing people along
then cutting them off
because I’m trying to move on
but they’re not really what I want.
I need to be satisfied with myself
and I guess realizing that is a good start
and I shouldn’t ruin more people
just to fill the hole in my heart.
– Valerie Parente (12-27-2019)
valerieparente 