Tag: mental health awareness

Untethered

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Untethered by Valerie Parente

Being free
and being dizzy
are one in the same
and I’ve never felt more untethered
than when I can’t think straight.

Being fluid
all is moving
and I feel the movement in me
not in sync with the rest
but so close, I am almost complete.

Being uninterrupted
I feel gratitude
when I remember I can feel this way
though I admit, I feel frustrated
when I remember this is not okay to say.

I dream
of this freedom
of being untethered again
moving and fluid
from the fluid within.

– Valerie Parente (2-16-2024)

Bewildered

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Bewildered by Valerie Parente

How utterly perplexing
that the thing I want more than anything
is the thing I fear more than anything.
All that I try to draw towards me
I push away when it’s before me.

– Valerie Parente (3-3-2024)

Queen of Aversions

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Queen of Aversions by Valerie Parente

I have an endless list of aversions
since age 0, almost to my 30s
and it should come as no surprise
that it permeates every area of my life
so here’s my regal attempt
to call out my constant contempt.

The tense muscle, toes curling
intense reflex type of aversion
have to look away
kind of public display
is quite a strong affliction
for someone who claims indifference.

There’s a passion in aversion
a self-preservation so determined
because I don’t fear what’s not special
I fear the things that have potential
so when asked for proof, I’m self-destructive
with only answers in the form of assumptions.

To be one who feels so vehemently
there’s a very distinct possibility
that I falsely identified
the feeling of butterflies
as a sickness to the stomach
because my anxiety was confronted.

Could it really be a coincidence
that the girl with issues so intimate
always just so happens
to never find attraction?
As if I could accurately gage
fingers on the pulse of tangled veins.

Maybe I was just nervous
because on paper it was perfect
and I’m not used to face to face
facing my weakness, facing my strength
and I know I said I didn’t feel any romance
but the truth is, I didn’t give it a fighting chance.

– Valerie Parente (2-21-2024)

Funhouse Reflex Hex

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Funhouse Reflex Hex by Valerie Parente

I have come up with a perfect spell
to keep my body dysmorphia in check,
a hex that allows me to see my mind as it is flawed
and my perception as how those flaws manifest.
First I look at someone I find beautiful
and all I see is skinny and perfect
then I imagine my face on the same exact body
and suddenly all I see is excess.
It is this brilliant trick
that takes me out of my own head,
it is this foolproof witchcraft
I call my Funhouse Reflex Hex
where I can finally separate my reality
from the mental virus
and I can see the flaws aren’t in my appearance,
they’re in the psychological defects.

– Valerie Parente (1-31-2024)

Don’t Cry for Me

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Don’t Cry for Me by Valerie Parente

My innocence was bid
once I had unwanted thoughts
so don’t you dare patronize me
with a sign of a cross.
You beg for my forgiveness
from the very same God
that gave me my condition
when I didn’t ask to be flawed.
I make my own power
in the way that I respond
that is in my control
and your control of me is lost.

– Valerie Parente (12-22-2023)

Quandary

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Quandary by Valerie Parente

Am I my irrational thoughts
or am I the one that recognizes their insanity?
Could I be innocent
now that I think of it?

– Valerie Parente (12-10-2023)


Heresy

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Heresy by Valerie Parente

Who am I
to declare what is
and isn’t
right?

And who are you
to decide which words are
and are not
taboo?

What is
an intrusive thought
if not
an act of God?

It all means nothing
until you assign it meaning
so wield your power
like it’s the only thing to believe in.

– Valerie Parente (11-18-2023)

A Daydreamer’s Cup of Tea

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A Daydreamer’s Cup of Tea by Valerie Parente

I tried to be pretty
so I became pretty creepy
memorizing the potential in a mental state
as if I never wasted it in the first place
losing the life in my complexion
because the real world pales in comparison.

I want to be the best
so I became the best at madness
believing there is a foolproof way
that the make believe can be made
so close I can almost taste it
but I’ve acquired a taste for the bullshit.

I long for something real
while denying the reality here
then I turn around and ask
“Why can’t you be grateful for what you have?”
and I can’t tell if I am my irrational thoughts
or the one who recognizes their implicit flaws.

On paper, it sounds insane
in person, it’s insanely mundane
I say I like it better in my mind
even though I’m more likable here on the outside
but when I try to merge the two scenes
I realize maybe I’m not anyone’s cup of tea.

The truth is, this daydreaming
is a state of mind with no defeating
because even if I achieved the dream
I’d still find solace in further fantasy
the mental and material are forever inverse
and I am my own worst enemy in this universe.

– Valerie Parente (11-10-2023)

Antithetical Thesis

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Antithetical Thesis by Valerie Parente

I have this freedom
a freedom to express
but I am afraid
of my own success
and what it means
to let my laurels rest
because if you like what you see
then I can reap the benefits
but who wants to be a reaper
other than the lord of death?
I don’t want to kill my spark
I want the ever glowing brightness
but I’ve always been in love
with finding beauty in darkness.
It’s all so confusing
the antithetical thesis
the dissonance of my hopes
mixed with poetic justice
because I want to be free
and I want to be complex
but out there on a stage
you might see that I’m less.
I have to put myself out there
if I want to impress
but I crumble from criticism
because I’m such a pathetic narcissist.
I don’t really want the fame
I want the respect
because fame is the curse
that you get when you’re blessed.

– Valerie Parente (9-22-2023)

Ship In A Bottle

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Ship In A Bottle by Valerie Parente

I was meant to go places
but I was too afraid
so I hid in a bottle
and became a display.
Trying to preserve myself
might have been a mistake
because now I crave touch
but I’m perfectly encased.
Now I’ve come to realize
as I get older with age
I wasn’t fragile to begin with
I made myself this way
piecing myself together
in a teeny tiny space.
I limited my horizon
when I had potential for waves
but I know better now
this glass, I can break
and when the shards fall
I won’t be bound to one place.

– Valerie Parente (7-20-2023)