sick in the head by Valerie Parente
I used to curse my teenage self
for wanting to be sick in the head.
30 years old
and I finally comprehend
that anybody who wants to be sick in the head
is already sick in the head.
– Valerie Parente (8-20-2025)
Scar Tissue by Valerie Parente
You are designed
to heal from the inside out
it can be ugly on the surface
but you should be proud
because these marks take time
and show your defiance to pain
its the art of surviving
so unique to your shape.
You are your own hero
but don’t forget, you are human
and healing takes time
don’t make any sudden movements.
Know when to tend to wounds
and when pain’s at its end
remember, scars don’t bleed
unless you pick at them.
– Valerie Parente (2-6-2025)
Heart In My Throat by Valerie Parente
I had a distressing dream
that my heart was in my throat
and the voice inside of me
didn’t know how to flow.
I struggled to tell the elders
I could not survive like this
but they were just happy
that love in me still exists.
All of my love and heartache
at the same level I consume
the two were not the same
but my signals were askew.
A heart in the throat
is a very strange case
I could still feel it all
it just came from the wrong place.
It is not an easy way to live
and I had trouble vocalizing
how I would not survive
but I kept on surviving.
When I awoke, I remembered my youth
and how I thought I’d die instead of grow
but here I am, my adulthood so full of love
each day fulfilled beyond my wildest hopes.
I think it was young me all along
trying to communicate
“Thank you for believing I was wrong”
to the elder in me today.
– Valerie Parente (1-26-2025)
Queen of Aversions by Valerie Parente
I have an endless list of aversions
since age 0, almost to my 30s
and it should come as no surprise
that it permeates every area of my life
so here’s my regal attempt
to call out my constant contempt.
The tense muscle, toes curling
intense reflex type of aversion
have to look away
kind of public display
is quite a strong affliction
for someone who claims indifference.
There’s a passion in aversion
a self-preservation so determined
because I don’t fear what’s not special
I fear the things that have potential
so when asked for proof, I’m self-destructive
with only answers in the form of assumptions.
To be one who feels so vehemently
there’s a very distinct possibility
that I falsely identified
the feeling of butterflies
as a sickness to the stomach
because my anxiety was confronted.
Could it really be a coincidence
that the girl with issues so intimate
always just so happens
to never find attraction?
As if I could accurately gage
fingers on the pulse of tangled veins.
Maybe I was just nervous
because on paper it was perfect
and I’m not used to face to face
facing my weakness, facing my strength
and I know I said I didn’t feel any romance
but the truth is, I didn’t give it a fighting chance.
– Valerie Parente (2-21-2024)
Funhouse Reflex Hex by Valerie Parente
I have come up with a perfect spell
to keep my body dysmorphia in check,
a hex that allows me to see my mind as it is flawed
and my perception as how those flaws manifest.
First I look at someone I find beautiful
and all I see is skinny and perfect
then I imagine my face on the same exact body
and suddenly all I see is excess.
It is this brilliant trick
that takes me out of my own head,
it is this foolproof witchcraft
I call my Funhouse Reflex Hex
where I can finally separate my reality
from the mental virus
and I can see the flaws aren’t in my appearance,
they’re in the psychological defects.
– Valerie Parente (1-31-2024)
A Daydreamer’s Cup of Tea by Valerie Parente
I tried to be pretty
so I became pretty creepy
memorizing the potential in a mental state
as if I never wasted it in the first place
losing the life in my complexion
because the real world pales in comparison.
I want to be the best
so I became the best at madness
believing there is a foolproof way
that the make believe can be made
so close I can almost taste it
but I’ve acquired a taste for the bullshit.
I long for something real
while denying the reality here
then I turn around and ask
“Why can’t you be grateful for what you have?”
and I can’t tell if I am my irrational thoughts
or the one who recognizes their implicit flaws.
On paper, it sounds insane
in person, it’s insanely mundane
I say I like it better in my mind
even though I’m more likable here on the outside
but when I try to merge the two scenes
I realize maybe I’m not anyone’s cup of tea.
The truth is, this daydreaming
is a state of mind with no defeating
because even if I achieved the dream
I’d still find solace in further fantasy
the mental and material are forever inverse
and I am my own worst enemy in this universe.
– Valerie Parente (11-10-2023)
Thorns by Valerie Parente
Thorns,
wringing my neck
hijacking my own prose
and taking my own breath.
Thorns,
tangled with my veins
I long to protect
the thing that constrains.
Thorns,
why do I wear them proud
as if their scratches
make me profound.
Thorns,
mistaken for a preference
I say I’m comfortable with them
but the discomfort is ever present.
Thorns,
such a cruel joke
because my favorite flower
has always been a rose.
Ravenheart:
These Veins Are Not In Vain (A Fantasy Chronicle)
by Valerie Parente
The veins on her hands
like trees with no leaves
black and branching out
along her anatomy.
That ravenheart pumped,
her sanctum of midnight,
filtering the darkness
in the dead of the night.
It only hurts a little
to be made of this blood
she got used to the pain
and the love it’s made of.
She looks to her veins
and knows they’re not in vain
because with these hands
she learned to create.
Since her birth in the thunder
she whispered before her slumber
a promise the shadows bid unto her
these words of ancient scripture,
“Take this black hole
and make it whole
feed that world
no others know.
Use great stress
to create great depth
and with this alchemy
you destroy fear of death.”
– Valerie Parente (6-9-2023)
Frostbite by Valerie Parente
I don’t think peace of mind
is meant for those alive.
There’s no such thing as closure
there’s only getting older
and though I say I pray for relief
there’s a stronger part of me
that’s encased in thick ice
from the post traumatic life
and I know if I let it melt away
I won’t know who I am today.
Here I am, frozen alive
and it is not a surprise.
To live is to identify with time,
to live is to be encased in ice
and it confuses most
that it feels far from cold.
When frostbitten on the skin
it feels like perpetual burning
and I never quite let go
of the warmth in my soul.
– Valerie Parente (1-2-2023)
Paint The Stars With Blood (Part I) [A Fantasy Chronicle] by Valerie Parente
Elissa painted the stars with her blood
back when she was numb
a little crimson magic
for the sky’s fabric
stained on purpose
because the creepers said it would be worth it
so she fulfilled that prophecy
when she was so damn naive
illuminating the region
with stars the shapes of demons
but the sun eventually rose
and she could see she was alone
that’s when she found the strength
to no longer identify with pain
it was the bravest thing she ever did
deciding she was more than her emotions.
– Valerie Parente (9-6-2022)
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