Horns

Horns by Valerie Parente

I used to wear a halo,
now I wear horns,
it wasn’t my intention,
until I was scorned,
leaving the garden,
where roses have thorns,
and I didn’t come out,
unscathed from the storm,
when the sky cleared,
I was weathered and worn,
and the horns began to sprout,
from the temples I adorned.

It wasn’t immediate,
it came from hindsight,
for ten months I went,
trying to rationalize,
dissecting where and how,
I could be the bad guy,
then the news broke,
that I was in the right,
but I still wear these horns,
they comfort me at night,
’cause I can be the demon,
instead of a damsel in demise.

The townsfolk are skeptical,
for whom I vouch for,
I understand the fright,
but I’m better than before,
the uncertainty is gone,
I am no longer unsure,
there is no insecurity,
I am no longer unmoored,
if he hurts me again,
it will hurt him a hell of a lot more,
the worst already came for me,
but then I grew these horns.

– Valerie Parente (3-29-2021)

Mental Growth

Mental Growth by Valerie Parente

How many times
have we heard that saying
“you need to go through pain to grow”?
How many times
did we try to cheat the system
when all we really did was postpone?
Well I always knew I would break
I just kept putting off the date
now I’ve had a year to mature
and the growth is ten times more
but the one thing I need to try
is never to celebrate being right
because the moment I place value on being correct
I’d undermine my newfound self-respect.

I didn’t heal thinking I was right about everything
I healed when I accepted being right didn’t mean a thing.

– Valerie Parente (3-19-2021)

The Key To Empathy

The Key To Empathy by Valerie Parente

It’s not narcissism
it’s recognizing your pain
as it is a mirror
of my mental state.

It’s empathy
individualized
when I look
into your eyes.

I don’t reach this understanding
by thinking about my soul
I reach it
when I see you have your own.

– Valerie Parente (3-18-2021)

Strength Today

Strength Today by Valerie Parente

It killed me back then
but I’m so alive now
I didn’t carry myself up
to burrow back in the ground.

You say I’m going easy
but I think I’m going strong
because I’ve taken what I’ve learned
and moved myself along.

I didn’t know I’d be validated
back when I found my strength
and that’s why I can handle
whatever comes today.

I don’t see the point
in making someone sad about the past
when they express an understanding
of the things that have passed.
Why would I want
to ignore the happiness I feel today
and spoil the present
in the name of former heartache?
My heartache doesn’t own me,
I am owned by my strength,
and my strength is telling me
it’s okay to celebrate.
That’s the thing about happiness,
it’s kind of like pain,
you have to choose to let it in,
and that’s a choice I’m willing to make.

– Valerie Parente (3-16-2021)

Graffiti

Graffiti by Valerie Parente

Like a graffiti artist
envisioning a new canvas
I saw the writing on the wall
and I was terrified me from the start.
Even though I love to paint my pain
I had never been more afraid
because I knew that space will never be pure again
I got something beautiful at a monumental expense.

– Valerie Parente (3-10-2021)

Through Hell (Is The Way Out)

Through Hell (Is The Way Out) by Valerie Parente

The longer you feed that unhealthy mental state,
trying and trying to avoid the tallest flames,
that fire is only going to expand its space,
and engulf you into a larger blaze.

I had to go through a brutal kind of hell,
to address a prolonged flaw with my mental health,
a problem that put too much pressure on someone else,
and now I finally feel like the best version of myself.

– Valerie Parente (3-10-2021)

Please Keep Your Cynicism To Yourself

Please Keep Your Cynicism To Yourself by Valerie Parente

Cynicism is a choice.
It is a choice to be void.
You are welcome to not believe in a higher being,
but don’t you dare shut down those who found it and its meaning;
people who have crawled out of the darkness of addiction and grief,
people who survived because they had something outside themself to believe.
If you look at these miracles and roll your eyes at the world,
and think “I’m way too smart to believe in something more”,
then your problem isn’t intelligence,
your problem is stone cold arrogance.
Just because you do not see the benefit of it,
does not mean the benefit does not exist.

Please, do the world a favor next time,
when you want to shame the people who survived,
treat the world like you treat the herbs you smoke,
take a deep breathe, then let it go.

– Valerie Parente (3-10-2021)

Awareness Vs. Exploitation

I think there’s a very important difference between writing from a point of mental health awareness and mental health exploitation. Mental health awareness is about going to a dark space and shining a light on it, exploitation just drags you into the dark abyss, offering no solace. I’ve made a vow since my diagnosis to make sure my art does the former.

– Valerie Parente (3-9-2021)

Not Bionic

Not Bionic by Valerie Parente

You can be recovered
and still not feel okay
maybe for minutes
maybe for days
the key is accepting
that you operate
on the very mechanisms
that make you brave.
You are not bionic
you are not unfazed.
You are a child
of the moon’s display
and that will always mean
that sadness comes in waves
but so does happiness
it arrives all the same.
It is this temperament
that helps you create
it is your reactions
that leave room for grace.
When you have a memory
and it’s by mistake
you are allowed to feel
any type of way
because you are not bionic
you are not man-made
you are something natural
deep in outer space
you are endless and real
in mankind’s masquerade.

– Valerie Parente (3-4-2021)

The Hurt, The Heal, The Hope

The Hurt, The Heal, The Hope by Valerie Parente

I felt myself hurt
as I reflected on the feelings that defined my past.
I felt myself heal
as I made sense of the psyche that defined my present.
And I felt myself hope
as I realized what I wanted was not what I need in my future.
This is the trajectory that permeated my inner rhythmic monologue.
This is the process that helped me uncover my faults.
This is my manifesto that I long to share with you all.

– Valerie Parente (3-2-2021)