Features “Grand Scheme”, “The Fear I Long For”,
and “Ghosts In My Room”
from Rather Be Haunted on Amazon.com
Tag: mental illness
I’m The Bad Guy
I’m The Bad Guy by Valerie Parente
I’m the bad guy
because I knew how to use my words to paint a picture of how it felt inside.
I’m the bad guy
because I wanted someone I cared about to have a permanent place in my life.
Somehow I’m the bitch and cold-hearted
because I removed myself so you could have the relationship that you wanted.
I’m the bitch and a creep
because losing all the good times devastated me.
I’m the psycho and a trouble-maker
for the tumultuous sadness I’ve put to paper.
I guess it just amazes me that to this day
I’m the one with all the blame
for the hyper-sensitivity I put on display,
the thing about me you once called a strength.
And you might ask “Why is she not over this yet?
Why can’t she shut up and just forget?”
But who cares? This is anonymous.
If its hard to read, that’s your own conscience.
I’m doing better in so many ways
but I think that as the seasons change
it reminds me of the old days
and that brings back a lot of pain
because nothing destroyed me more than when I left
well aware that I was about to lose a good friend
and every now and then I just need to express
the very worst feelings that once felt the best
because it’s still confusing to comprehend.
I want nothing but the ability to cope
with the scars that once marked my hope
and I’m not sure why I even have to explain myself
to the very people who ridiculed my mental health.
– Valerie Parente (10-3-2020)
Pick A Side
Pick A Side by Valerie Parente
I’m either a threat or I’m a mess.
This cannot be a dual process.
Because you say that I’m problematic
and then in the very same breath
that I have no influence on your conscience.
You cannot have it both ways,
I’m either intelligent or I’m crazed
and if you think I’m a combination of both
then you’re in support of the role I chose.
– Valerie Parente (10-2-2020)
Poetry Reading & Analysis (The Artist, The Muse ~ Shy of Me ~ Sanctuary) (VIDEO)
Features “The Artist, The Muse”, “Shy of Me”, and “Sanctuary”
from The Artist, The Muse on Amazon.com
There’s Clearly Something Wrong With Me But I Kind of Don’t Care Anymore
There’s Clearly Something Wrong With Me But I Kind of Don’t Care Anymore
by Valerie Parente
I once had a date try to kiss me
I shoved him off of me ever so quickly.
I once had a man grab me by the waist
I ran off before I could see the embarrassment on his face.
I once had a guy hold my hand on a walk
all I could think was “I can’t wait to wash him off”.
I once had a movie night with a boy that drove me insane
I was pissed when he interrupted every scene for foreplay.
I once had a guy ask me for a kiss
I was so damn uncomfortable I purposely missed.
I once had a boy text me over and over about his day
I didn’t add him in my contacts in the hopes he’d go away.
Not once, not twice, not even three times
did I go out of my way to make a fool of these guys
because when someone sees romantic potential in me
you can bet I’ll try to sabatoge it immediately.
– Valerie Parente (9-21-2020)
Poetry Reading & Analysis (Looking At The World Upside Down ~ Tangled ~ Worth It) (VIDEO)
Features “Looking At The World Upside Down”, “Tangled”, and “Worth It”
from Rather Be Haunted on Amazon.com
Sick Cycle
Sick Cycle by Valerie Parente
The fear of intimacy comes from the fear of touch
and the fear of touch comes from the fear of germs
and the fear of germs comes from the fear of intimacy
and I’m stuck in a sick cycle of social chastity.
– Valerie Parente (9-20-2020)
Poetry Reading & Analysis (Lady Luna and the Light Inside ~ Order In Disorder ~ Inquiries) (VIDEO)
Features “Lady Luna and the Light Inside”, “Order In Disorder”,
and “Inquiries”
from The Artist, The Muse on Amazon.com
This Fear Goes So Deep
This Fear Goes So Deep by Valerie Parente
I’ve got people who want to talk
and I know what they really want is touch
they’re just trying to warm me up
and that really pisses me off.
Because I’m offended by attraction
I get defensive when you want a physical reaction.
My brain wasn’t made to pretend it doesn’t notice
when men try to fool me with a thing called romance.
I’m starting to think that my anger with the men in line
is a form of anxiety designed to defend my mind;
Yes this is a fear of intimacy ultimately
but its also a fear of being challenged intellectually
because I often feel deep disgust
by the boys who admit they have a crush
It translates into “I think that you’re stupid”
because romance involves courtship
and courtship assumes I’m desperate
and desperate translates to dumb
and dumb people don’t think, they touch.
I feel like boys are trying to pull one over on me
all control, all of my autonomy, all the things that make me unique
and I know the intention was never to make me feel degraded
but I feel so Goddamm violated
when someone is attracted to something other than my mentality
because my intelligence is the most important part of me.
So how dare you think you’ve fooled me
into being a sexual prop or something weak.
And I’m no fool, I know I’ve only ever been in love with the guys
that I secretly know aren’t really attracted to my type
and I think that my fear is getting worse these days
ever since I broke my own heart using a friend’s name.
I know this phenomena makes no sense;
trust me, I’ve scoured all of the internet
and I can’t find other people that share this mindset
so I’m not really sure where to go next.
– Valerie Parente (9-14-2020)
Never Alone
Never Alone by Valerie Parente
I pray that you remember
your life in this world
is more than just yours.
When you hurt yourself
you hurt your loved ones too
and I hope you see that as proof
that you are never alone inside of you.
– Valerie Parente (9-11-2020)
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