Tag: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

You Believe, Then You Perceive.

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I think a key difference between the healthy mind and the obsessive compulsive mind is that the obsessive compulsive mind is programmed to work from the inside-out, rather than the outside-in. You firmly believe from a place within your mind that the world is scary, so you perceive the world as scary. You don’t fear touching a doorknob because you have superhuman vision that allows you to see every microscopic germ on the metal knob. You fear touching a doorknob because there is an inner conviction telling you the doorknob is irrevocably contaminated with germs.

The OCD masters this process where your skewed beliefs from your distorted mind spill out into the real world, subsequently skewing your sense of perception. And you don’t recognize that you are seeing the world at a warped angle because, to you, the outside is in perfect alignment with the inside.

You believe, then you perceive.

-Valerie Parente (4-18-16)

Being the Judge

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To be able to healthily manage obsessive compulsive disorder is to be a constant judge. To incorrectly differentiate which thoughts are skewed projections of anxiety and which are valid fears is to do myself an injustice. And, contrary to common assumption, this job requires an emotionally impartial scrutiny of mental territory that goes beyond fear-based thoughts. Almost every rational thought has an irrational OCD counterpart ready to creep in and mimic sensibility.
Is this paranormal knowledge of “what feels right” the art of sharp intuition, or the convincing trickery of delusion?
Is this opposition a factor of my inborn personality or nurtured disgust?
Is this repetitious daydream an inspired fantasy, or just intrusive imagery?
Is this throbbing adoration love at its truest, or obsession at its sickest?
At the end of each trial, whether the verdict places cognitive guilt on obsessive compulsive disorder or not, this disorder still and always manages to uproot a deep-seeded philosophical conflict within me. If a foreign entity is responsible, even if only occasionally, for my brain’s generated thoughts, then who do I call Valerie? Can the “self” really exist in a mentally ill brain?

– Valerie Parente (4-2-16)