Tag: PTSD

Encased

Leave a comment

Encased by Valerie Parente

I know I said I killed my younger self
but I was lying
I didn’t kill her
I locked her away
so that she would feel safe.

I thought I threw away the key
so I could preserve her whimsy
but I forgot in my haste
that behind a glass case
she could watch the world change
while staying the same age.

My life went on and progressed
with my inner child as my witness
and it took a long time
before I finally realized
I wasn’t trying to prove myself
to society or anyone else.

I’m not trying to impress you
I’m trying to impress 12 year old me
to be her idea of beauty
so that she could see
all those big scary feelings
didn’t kill her dreams
and it was this epiphany
that revealed the key
so I unlocked the case
and I set younger me free
as a way to say “forgive me
I loved you more than anything
may you go with ease
may you go with peace.”

– Valerie Parente (11-23-2025)

Scabs

Leave a comment

Scabs by Valerie Parente

You pick at your scabs just to watch them scab again
so that when they heal over you’ll feel satisfaction
but you’re only making yourself more susceptible to infection
so don’t be surprised when the sickness seeps in
and you long to inflict hurt for the sake of revenge
as you wield a weapon and declare it’s medicine
then wait and wait for the scabs, the reaction.


Somebody who needs others to know they have healed
is not healed.
Somebody who needs to create hurt to feel healed
is not healed.
Somebody who picks at their scabs so they can scab again
is not healed.

– Valerie Parente (9-19-2025)

Mermaid Hair & A Little Black Dress

Leave a comment

Mermaid Hair & A Little Black Dress
by Valerie Parente

Mermaid hair and a little black dress
one for my inner child
one for her last breath.

Because I wasn’t ready
to grow up just yet
so when I felt wronged
I found poetic justice.

They said “what do you want to be when you grow up?”
and I said “a girl with mermaid hair”
for all the times as a kid
that I was too scared
of the fateful hour glass
and its ground of sand
so I stuck my head in the clouds
not all quite there
regressing and digressing
into my own fairy tale.

They said “dress as the impression you want to give”
so I wore a little black dress
’cause black goes with everything
and I’m an artist
breaking down reality
so it all makes sense
to little kid me
and the woman she respects
so that one fateful day
the heart in my chest
will end its marathon
with little to no regrets.

– Valerie Parente (5-11-2025)

Stony Brook

Leave a comment

Stony Brook by Valerie Parente

Words about my self are so cold
because this conscious stream is frozen.
I’m making faces under the surface
in the name of what’s unspoken.

I questioned life on solid ground,
but I never stood a chance
at clinging to the rocks
that blistered my own hands.

Underneath the ice I laid on
was an isolation I schemed
where I was swept away by the current
as the current swept by me.

I still cross that stony brook
but I know better this time
holding my own breath
in a space so traumatized.

– Valerie Parente (5-26-2023)

Frostbite

Leave a comment

Frostbite by Valerie Parente

I don’t think peace of mind
is meant for those alive.
There’s no such thing as closure
there’s only getting older
and though I say I pray for relief
there’s a stronger part of me
that’s encased in thick ice
from the post traumatic life
and I know if I let it melt away
I won’t know who I am today.

Here I am, frozen alive
and it is not a surprise.
To live is to identify with time,
to live is to be encased in ice
and it confuses most
that it feels far from cold.
When frostbitten on the skin
it feels like perpetual burning
and I never quite let go
of the warmth in my soul.

– Valerie Parente (1-2-2023)


Thunderstorm Ritual

1 Comment

Thunderstorm Ritual by Valerie Parente

The thunderstorm ritual,
light a candle,
open the windows,
and with every flash,
wait for the clap,
because this life,
its lightening fast,
written in the stars,
there is a crack,
striking a light,
from your past,
it already happened,
but it comes back,
the flicker of a moment,
never loses its impact.

Revel in the storm
like it’s your last.

– Valerie Parente (7-16-2022)


Shadow Sign

Leave a comment

Shadow Sign by Valerie Parente

Shadow Sign
you weren’t the light of my life
you were just the shape in which I had been traumatized
I thought you were what I wanted
after all these years of being haunted
because the truth of the matter is
I was never really his
and that unofficial kind of bliss
had me tracing my steps with darkness.

Because Shadow Sign
you were never mine
and with your outline I realize
you weren’t the problem, you were its signal
not something that I was ever meant to rekindle
a simplification of the self
implied light from somewhere else
and that’s the truth to mental health
I looked for love when what I needed was help.

– Valerie Parente (7-21-2021)

Venus Fly Trap

Leave a comment

Venus Fly Trap by Valerie Parente

I don’t want to, but I snap
so quick and so crass
locked shut from the past
a paradox I haven’t grasped
because if I wasn’t grabbed
then why do I feel attacked
involuntary and so fast
before I get the chance to relax
like a venus fly trap.

Years of tension so compact
maybe this is what lasts
when you’ve been broken in half
but now I’m more than that
so happy and on track
I guess the trauma stays intact
muscle memories I don’t have
these lips seal in a flash
like a venus fly trap.

This struggle is meant to pass
and I’m going to achieve this task
learn to bloom instead of clasp
I’m still a flower, if you must ask
blossoming among the grass
so much beauty in this craft
with a love so matter of fact
kiss me and I’ll kiss back
like a venus fly trap.

– Valerie Parente (6-6-2021)

The Girl In The Mirror

Leave a comment

The Girl In The Mirror by Valerie Parente

I killed the girl in the mirror
when I was a 14 years old student
and every day I resent myself
even though I didn’t know what I was doing.

That girl in the mirror had it bad
and that wasn’t so peculiar.
Nobody that age knew how to act
but I still held it against her.

I make decisions now
with the mirror girl on my mind.
I’m trying to make her proud
because I owe her my adult life.

– Valerie Parente (1-4-2021)

Dirt

Leave a comment

Dirt by Valerie Parente

I strolled back to that field of dirt
where the trauma was at its worst
and suddenly I’m twelve again
and I feel absolutely no different.
So much dirt on my hands
Like I didn’t stand a chance
Because I was way too deep
In the dirt beneath my feet.
And I can see it now
The seeds meant to sprout.
The place where I was supposed to grow a garden
But a bunch of rowdy kids interrupted the harvest.
Throwing dirt at my name
When I was at that critical age.
My mind is twenty-six years old and it hasn’t forgotten
All the times those kids teased me just for talking.
“Do you want to dance with her?” some girl asked,
“Never,” the popular boy laughed.
It’s taken me a decade and a half
To realize I’ve been wearing that past,
Attracted to the trauma of being unwanted
That’s why I fall for men who aren’t options.
And I’m fairly certain there’s a part of me
That’s been trying to understand why I was teased
That’s why I looked for the worst in myself
And fell into an adolescent kind of hell.
Back then I just dismissed and dismissed
Because I knew that kids will be kids.
In a way I was more sensible back then
Because now I feel the need to openly obsess.
That’s why I visited this field of dirt in the first place
I figured it was about time to unearth that pain.
I’m not upset, I’m not mad.
I just wanna know what about me was so bad
That they felt the need to throw that dirt
When I was just a twelve year old girl
Minding my own business in my own garden
Planting a future I almost walked in.

Its not about trying to re-hash old wounds
It’s about trying to get to the root.
Because there’s trauma under this ground
and I think I’m ready to dig it out.
There is so much beauty in retrospect
Because as I look back, the clouds roll in.
Now the rain is coming down
And those seeds are finally ready to sprout.

– Valerie Parente (12-10-2020)