Playtime by Valerie Parente
He doesn’t know how emotions work
that’s why he plays with mine
like building blocks
towering so high.
But if you’re going to toy with me
then make me your doll
because I’d rather feel pretty
than be built up to fall.
– Valerie Parente (2-2-2020)
Cruelty & Credulity by Valerie Parente
Not knowing what is normal has become the norm for me.
And not knowing what’s real has become my reality.
I’m trying to be mindful of what’s fabricated in my mind.
So the cruelest thing you could do is make me believe that my perception is make-believe.
– Valerie Parente (1-31-2020)
Playing With Storms (Diagnose Me) by Valerie Parente
I’ve got five different disorders and I can’t afford to be diagnosed with another
But ever since the grief I’ve feel like my brain has spawned a new monster
My emotions are so intense and I freak out then repent
People ask me why I acted out
and I honestly can’t remember why
I remember doing the deed
but I don’t remember why I felt it was necessary
all I remember is that I really truly believed in the feeling’s intensity
and I played with thunderous storms even though I don’t even like the noise
and I think that’s pretty scary
when you can go 25 years understanding the string between your actions and emotions
then suddenly don’t remember why you did something so intense
its like you’re sitting in a backseat watching yourself
there’s a barrier between you and what you do
a major disconnect
and I can’t even begin to try to figure out why
I just know that my mind has become so hard to find
I’ve got five other disorders that I understand inside and out
but I don’t understand the reasoning behind this new rage filled spree
It would be so much easier to address this if someone could just diagnose me.
Please, just diagnose this storm inside of me.
Because then I can begin to master the storms artfully.
– Valerie Parente (1-28-2020)
Matryoshka Dolls by Valerie Parente
I am an artist.
I was born to create.
I was created, to create.
We are infinite stories within stories.
Entire populations,
Entire worlds,
nested in mind after mind after mind after mind…
– Valerie Parente (1-21-2020)
Real Things by Valerie Parnete
You say that my fantasies aren’t real
but my fantasies influence my reality
far more than the things you say.
– Valerie Parente (1-19-2020)
Love Again by Valerie Parente
Love is not finite. It does not have an end cap. You do not need to think twice about how you distribute it. Just because I love someone new does not take away from the love I have for another being.
When you love again, the love does not get divided; it multiplies.
And that is why you don’t need to feel guilty for loving again. You can love again. You are meant to love again. That is your infinite gift.
– Valerie Parente (1-17-2020)
I’m The Crazy One by Valerie Parente
I’m the crazy one
because I say how I feel right from the start
I’m the crazy one
because I’m brutally honest in all of my art
I’m the crazy one
because I try so hard to be my own savior
then fall prey to self-destructive behavior
and I’m not fucking sure who to trust
the girl I’ve rationalized within me
or the crazy one you all claim to see.
– Valerie Parente (1-11-2020)
Ripped Open by Valerie Parente
My heart did not break,
it was opened up.
Sometimes it feels like we’ve been destroyed
when we’ve actually evolved into better versions of ourselves.
– Valerie Parente (1-5-2020)
Ghosts In My Room by Valerie Parente
I see ghosts in my room
maybe because I have room for them too
they flicker and repeat like static on TV
and I’m not sure why I can see these figures in front of me
but it happens in the middle of the night, every single week.
I feel like the images I perceive
are from a dimension I shouldn’t see
always a body without a face
shadowy figures with no name
hosting a sentience in their flashing shapes.
Sometimes it’s one figure, sometimes it’s two or three
No matter the amount they’re always unique
a defining trait like a baseball cap or bangs
they always move in a particular way
and I can’t tell if they know they’re in my space.
When I see those ghosts in the night
my recurrent thought is, “You know I can see you, right?”
it almost seems like they don’t realize where they are
and I’m not sure why all of a sudden they turned up
but they’ve been showing up ever since my greatest loss.
After two months I asked one beside my bed
“How are you?” to the flashing silhouette
it gave me the middle finger
another motion in flickers
so I just laid back as it lingered.
Some people tell me I should be afraid
that ghosts are an energy I shouldn’t entertain
but I truly feel that they are harmless
and my intuition says that they have no ill intent
if anything they feel like gentle friends.
Some people say that I’m just hallucinating
that these beings are of my own making
but gut feelings never lie
and I know what I’m feeling inside
and I’m feeling that they’re separate from my mind.
I always give it a few seconds
look around to see if it’s just in my head
when I look back the images are still prevalent
in all the same outlines and repetitive movements
and to be perfectly honest, I am comforted by their existence.
– Valerie Parente (1-3-2020)
Self-Preservation by Valerie Parente
It’s not being prude
its self-preservation
it’s protecting thyself from everyone else
in an attempt to preserve
the life lessons I’ve earned
because what could be worse
than losing the individual I learned.
I swear, this fear of intimacy
is not a fear of what’s in me
it’s fear of a touch that might corrupt
everything I’ve ever dreamed of.
Because what happens when I open up?
Would it change the person I was?
I’ve spent a lifetime learning who I am
and I’m so deeply scared
of my worldview crumbling at another’s hand.
– Valerie Parente (1-3-2020)
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