Blessed by Valerie Parente
Strength. Compassion. Intelligence. Beauty. Courage. Faith. Love.
The very things that I prayed for in a companion were in me all along.
– Valerie Parente (8-12-2019)
Tag: writing
I Know Where I Stand
I Know Where I Stand by Valerie Parente
Tell me why different rules apply to me?
and tell me why you take everything I do so personally?
tell me why I have to tip toe on such fragile feet?
tell me why the slightest move makes you retreat?
just tell me why I get treated so damn differently?
I’m not asking because I want to know the answer, I already do
I’m asking because these are questions that need to be addressed through you
And I’m not going to tell you the answer because there would be no use
You’re going to have to figure it out for yourself and face your own muse
And when that time inevitably comes, you’ll know where to find me too.
– Valerie Parente (8-3-2019)
Harmony
Harmony by Valerie Parente
For the first time in my adult life
I’m at peace with the fact that I’m not someone else’s goal
and that’s perfectly alright
because I don’t need someone else to feel whole
and I’m having a good time getting to know
that human that is my own
and I’m learning that deep down at the level of my soul
I’m never truly alone.
– Valerie Parente (7-25-2019)
You And I
You And I by Valerie Parente
I need to stop making your problems mine…
… but they became my problem when you looked me in the eyes
and told me you despise
everything about your mind
but I think your thoughts are divine
so I said you’re one of a kind
and for those hours you cried
which was a beautiful sight
but I had to pretend to be blind
to keep you from turning to ice
then days and days went by
and you became surprised
that we were far more alike
than you were ready to find
so you made me the bad guy
and called it a crime
when I asked if you were fine
because for me to care if you’re alright
would surely be a sign
that we were on the same side
and you’re absolutely terrified
of people associating your name with mine
because then there’s a chance you might
feel emotions you’ve attempted to hide
but the truth is you were just as inclined
to see me in that light
that’s why you went and tried
to accuse me of crossing a line
even though you were the first to define
that there was a certain vibe
when it was just you and I
because one day you’d act nice
then the next day you’d pick a fight
because God forbid you admit you like
hanging out with a girl who can recognize
the anxiety you secretly abide
and I’m done obeying your fright
so I’ll call you out for your spite
whenever these feelings arise
then you’ll freak out and deny
that’s why I began to transcribe
all the psychological insight
that you try to push aside
and I’m sorry if that makes you uptight
but you can only blame your pride
because you’ve gone so long tied
between comfort and doing what’s right
for yourself and the person who understands your type
and I’m done making another compromise
for someone whose busy living a lie
and cares more about getting high
than connecting with someone who just summarized
what you’re too afraid to clarify
and if you hear me out then decide
to continue this self-destructive ride
then I hope that you realize
everything about you that I write
was an attempt to save your life
because I see you’re so dead inside
but I want you to be alive.
Align
– Valerie Parente (6-10-2019)
Confrontation
Confrontation by Valerie Parente
I was hoping for a confrontation
because confrontation is better than the static of listening to you lie to yourself again and again
and if you’re willing to sacrifice your emotional growth to be “right” then I have no problem spending time with people farther along in life.
– Valerie Parente (6-10-2019)
A Writer’s Threat
A Writer’s Threat by Valerie Parente
For years I have been my own muse.
If I make you my muse then you have done the near-impossible… you have overthrown my ego. Congratulations, you are divine in my eyes.
Just hope to God that you’ve become my muse for enchanting my life, not for inflicting senseless pain. Because if you try to write me off then I’m going to turn the writer on. If you ask me to stop then guess what? You just gave me a new prompt. I can orchestrate a symphony of sentences that will touch you to tears or I can arrange a thousand words into your personal hell. Both will pierce your heart ten times stronger than you pierced mine. And when you read what’s on my mind you better actually listen to the message and cherish the emotional chords it strikes, good or bad, because a storm of more rhymes and literary devices are about to head your way and tear apart every piece and particle that once constructed your comfort zone… and that’s going to continue happening with more and more force until I become your muse.
felt cute, might stab someone with my words later
– Valerie Parente (6-4-2019)
Tangled
“String Me Along”
Tangled by Valerie Parente
All these tangled thoughts
have one common thread
twisted in a pattern
I’ve memorized in my head.
Stringing me along
with so much time spent
leaving me weak and worn
frayed and torn to shreds.
So much pretty yarn
it tells me where I’ve been
but it’s nobody’s concern
when I tie up the loose ends.
I wonder how long
until someone notices
I’ve been weaving my words
hoping that they’ll be read.
– Valerie Parente (5-31-2019)
Write-Brained
Write-Brained by Valerie Parente
People don’t read my work
And it kills me inside
I want to be loved
But even more
I want to be recognized
I’ve been lonely for so long
That’s why I started to write
But what is the point
When no one wants to read my mind.
– Valerie Parente (5-10-2019)
Published Books
Intention
Intention by Valerie Parente
He was sick. Nose stuffed. Ears blocked. Miserable on the couch. His only movement came from his fatigued thumb gently scrolling through the phone.
“Open the door” came a text from his close friend.
His eyes burned. He hesitantly typed, “Door’s unlocked”
The floorboards creaked as the girl walked into the loft with a bright smile and a piping hot container clasped between her hands.
“I got you your favorite soup from downtown. Maybe it’ll make you feel better.”
He didn’t get up. He didn’t thank her. “Why did you do that?”
In that split second her eyes shifted from glowing to deeply hurt.
She didn’t shut down. She didn’t back track. She said what needed to be said. “What is wrong with you?” Those piercing words sounded more like they were begging for an answer than asking a simple question.
“I- I just don’t know why you’d waste your time-”
“Don’t pretend you have my best interest in mind,” she snapped. You never would have guessed that this was the same sweet and giddy girl that just came skating into the loft.
He knew he had a problem. He knew this was his problem but his mind was trying so hard to categorize this as her problem. His thoughts cranked away, trying to rationalize the panic coursing through his veins in a way that didn’t pin the blame on him.
The problem wasn’t that she did something nice for him. The problem was that she paid attention to what his favorite soup was. The problem was that she went out of her way to drive to his favorite take-out restaurant and then in another direction to his loft. The problem was that she thought, in her time alone, that doing something for him would be a worthy use of her energy. The problem was that she thought of him.
Before he could translate his thoughts into verbal daggers she called him out.
“How miserable it must be to be you,” she shook her head in disbelief, “How little do you think of yourself that you feel the need to stop or shame anybody for caring about you? Not just doing a nice favor for you… but really caring for you. Understanding you. Just because you don’t see your own value doesn’t mean I have to stop caring. You hate yourself so you project all of that onto me and I am so sick of it.” Her mouth quivered in contrast to how strong and stern her tone was.
He didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t figure out a rebuttal fast enough.
“I am NOT your punching bag!” she cried out with a voice so strained you could hear the exhaustion in her vocal chords.
He rubbed his fingertips on his bloodshot eyes up to his temples. Why was he like this? Hurting her feelings was never his intention. His intention… well… what was his intention? He didn’t know.
Her eyes were wet but she didn’t break eye contact. “I’m not going to apologize for having emotions just because you can’t handle your own! I am entitled to feel things when I’m around you. I’m not going to let your self-hatred stop me. I’m sorry but that’s not a war you’re going to win.”
He panicked, “I- I’m sorry-”
“I don’t want to hear ‘I’m sorry’!” she was crying now. “I want you to get professional help! I need you to! I need you to be okay! I need you to accept yourself! I need you to take care of yourself! I need you to understand your worth! And in order to get to that point you’re going to need to cry and hurt and feel a whole bunch of uncomfortable feelings and I need you to know that it’s going to get better… and I need you to believe me when I say that! Because if you don’t get to a healthy point then you’re going to lose… and if you can’t handle someone having emotions around you then you’re going to wind up alone.”
Alone.
That.
That was his intention.
A dominating part of him was trying to push people away. Not just any people. The people who care… really care. The people who get inside his head. The closer they were to understanding him when he couldn’t even understand himself meant the harder he needed to push. And she understood him and she got in his head and she saw all his flaws but still cared. That’s why this girl was getting the brunt of his insecurity-spawned and fear-born frustration. An unconscious facet of his brain was trying with full force to wind up alone… because being alone would be easier than handling the emotions that come to the surface when you have a real connection with someone.
– Valerie Parente (4-22-2019)
toxic relations
toxic relations by Valerie Parente
There’s something I need to say
about the way you behave
You’ve become a cliché
just a guy who plays games
a fool desperate to claim
that you aren’t so strange
thinking a girl can replace
all of your negative traits
as if you could erase
every ounce of self-hate
with the sound of a female’s name
but at the end of the day
your connection with her is strained
she doesn’t really relate
you use each other to manipulate
that dark and empty space
that rots in your depressed brains.
But you won’t admit your mistake
I know you’ll try to debate
say that you’re honestly okay
but say it with a straight face.
say you’re not a pathetic display
of all that time you had me waste.
There’s something I need to get off my chest
about the way you’ve digressed
You’ve become so obsessed
with destroying relationships
in the name of loneliness
imprinting the egocentric
on someone you barely met
and it’s so inappropriate
how you made her your outlet
meanwhile your friends
the ones who emotionally invest
can only shake their heads.
You know I tried my best
cause I’ve been in that mess
so Goddamn depressed
A mind with no self-respect.
And I just want to protect
one of my favorite humans
from a pattern so toxic
because if you weren’t worth it
I wouldn’t have written this.
– Valerie Parente (4-3-2019)
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