the truth is, I’m frustrated

May 28, 2019May 28, 2019Leave a comment

the truth is, I’m frustrated by Valerie Parente

"the truth is, I'm frustrated" by Valerie Parente

I’ve been the strong one. I’ve proved I’m smart, have a heart, and can read the mind of the most troubled. I’ve traveled, I’ve stayed, I’ve gone out of my way, I’ve done everything under the sun to prove that I am good enough. I’ve felt high, I’ve felt brave, I’ve felt the electricity every cliché claims. I’ve given time, I’ve given space, and left you so amazed. I’ve been brutally honest, I’ve been reassuring, even when my mind was hurting. I’ve been a friend, I’ve been family, I’ve been a team-player even when you played me. I’ve been wise, I’ve been right, and I understand your mind when I write my lines. I’ve been forgiving, I’ve maintained a good mood even when I should have been rude. I’ve been sweet, I’ve been grateful, even when I should have hated you. I’ve been impressive, I’ve been respectful, I’ve shielded you from my pain even when it drove me mental. I’ve gone above and beyond and I did it for what?

At what point did I go wrong?
I see a boy care about me then I watch it dissolve.

What is it about me that nobody wants?
Because every time I care I become the saddest person of all.

The truth is, I’m frustrated, and I think I have every right to be. Because I’ve been the kindest person of all and the girl God needed from me. So why the hell am I alone? Why the hell am I unseen? I’m right in front of your faces being the best damn version of me.
Call me crazy, why not?
But I think it’s a damn shame
when you’re there for someone’s darkest hour but they won’t give you the time of day.

All I want is to be loved.
And I think I’m fairly done.
Because I don’t know how much longer I can be the strong one.

– Valerie Parente (5-28-2019)

Paradox Lock

May 22, 2019May 22, 2019Leave a comment

Paradox Lock by Valerie Parente

I am tense where I am supposed to be open
So I pretend that this is a voluntary means of coping
Just a treasure I’ve been withholding.
But the truth is I have no control
of the impossible pain that takes its toll.

I am a lock who is supposed to love a key.
The very thing meant to set me free
is the same cause for my strong agony.
What they call the highest of highs
comes through me as the loneliest night.

I am exhausted when I am supposed to be energized.
They say this problem has psychological ties
manifesting as fear deep inside.
But if this is true then why can’t I recall
the very trauma that started this all?

For so long I was stuck with this mystery.
Where could I find this abnormality?
After they pointed out reality
I read into how this condition thrives
but I am still left wondering why.

Lock

– Valerie Parente (11-22-2017)

Comparing Scars

May 19, 2019May 20, 2019Leave a comment

Tiara

Comparing Scars by Valerie Parente

I don’t feel great when other girls talk about their pain
because I feel like I have to one-up them just to validate my struggle
and I know it’s ridiculous that I actually feel jealous
of someone else’s suffering as if it’s a form of currency
like it’s a competition of whose scar is more impressing
I feel the need to defeat her by showing a cut that’s deeper
because if I’m the one who’s talked about then maybe I’ll no longer doubt myself.

I know it’s sick and warped how much I crave to be heard
I’m longing for attention more than I long for redemption
I don’t need some comfort, all I need is to come first
some kind of stage or grand display to say my hardship wasn’t in vain
it’s not just about being different, it’s about justifying the infliction
all that I’ve carved upon myself instead of asking for some help
and I know this truth is ugly but I need to speak with honesty
because if I can’t at least be real then there’s no point to how I feel.

– Valerie Parente (5-19-2019)

Intervention

May 14, 2019May 20, 2019Leave a comment

Intervention by Valerie Parente

You don’t need to wreak havoc to feel important
You don’t need to argue to feel driven
You don’t need to run away to feel chased.

You are already so important in your friends’ minds
You are already so driven when you let yourself care
You are already so appreciated when you stick around.

And if you have a problem with me calling you out
if you have a problem with me seeing your value
then that’s an issue you have to confront with yourself
because I’m never going to stop rooting for you.

– Valerie Parente (5-14-2019)

Aesthetic Reality

May 12, 2019May 12, 2019Leave a comment

"Marvel" by Valerie Parente

Aesthetic Reality by Valerie Parente

You’re starting to realize that reality is subjective
and perception is the byproduct of perspective
Now you’re deciding not to be fooled by the deception
that self-respect is determined by rejection
as if your meaning is for someone else to measure.
But the truth is that you get to choose your mood
because your personhood is dictated by the personal
and aesthetic stems from what makes you authentic.

– Valerie Parente (5-12-2019)

Write-Brained

May 10, 2019May 12, 2019Leave a comment

modeling

Write-Brained by Valerie Parente

People don’t read my work
And it kills me inside
I want to be loved
But even more
I want to be recognized
I’ve been lonely for so long
That’s why I started to write
But what is the point
When no one wants to read my mind.

– Valerie Parente (5-10-2019)

Published Books

In Touch by Valerie Parente

The Artist, The Muse by Valerie Parente

Value

May 5, 2019May 20, 2019Leave a comment

Elohim

Value by Valerie Parente

I know my value and I see it every day
I need to stop punishing myself
when it isn’t seen by someone else.

– Valerie Parente (5-5-2019)

There Might Be More To Me Than The Emotions I Keep

April 30, 2019May 14, 2019Leave a comment

There Might Be More To Me Than The Emotions I Keep by Valerie Parente

My feelings aren’t as complicated as my mind is making them
with this dissonant narration.
I’ve been caught in a loop
about a story I wanted to be true.

You see my brain does this thing where it prioritizes my feelings
over logic and reason.
Making a stable personality
the most dominant part of me.

Meanwhile I have these thoughts, irrational obsessions that haunt.
For years they were caught
associating you with my name
but now my emotions have changed.

Now my ego is anxious, though it’s really quite simplistic.
No matter how much I resist it
I know I’m moving on
whether I like it or not.

The truth is, I think it’s scary that there might be more to me
than the emotions I keep.
If I get over how I felt
then how do I define myself?

But then I think of how happy I can be now that I’ve set myself free
from that same old story.

Valerie The Doll

– Valerie Parente (1-31-2018)

your actions say a whole lot more than your words

April 29, 2019June 22, 2020Leave a comment

"Poise" by Valerie Parente

your actions say a whole lot more than your words by Valerie Parente

I’m too old to play these mind games
and you’re too old for me to baby you
face your feelings and act like an adult
and if you need to, get help
figure out why you act the way you do
I already know
but it’s time for you to know too.

– Valerie Parente (4-11-2019)

Inquiries

April 29, 2019Leave a comment

Inquiries by Valerie Parente

What do you want when you are the only one in charge?
Who are you when nobody else tells you what to want?
How long will it take you to let go of your flaws?
Do you even think before you talk?
Where are you in your thoughts?

Vyne