White Noise by Valerie Parente
When I go to sleep
I need the white noise
because if it’s too quiet
I can hear my inner voice
and I don’t want to know
what it says about me
when I’m alone
and no one else can intervene.
When I’m alone
I want to stay disillusioned
that the world is still buzzing
without my movement.
I want to stay unimportant
that my problems are nothing
but a tiny side effect
of a mind that needs numbing.
– Valerie Parente (8-1-2026)
Metamorphosis by Valerie Parente
Is this the beginning of the end
or the end of the beginning?
Because I’m still me
but my world is shifting
from the safety of a cocoon
to the wind that is whistling
and as my story unfolds
I wonder how much is scripted
because they say to spread my wings
and I’ve decided to listen
but only time will tell
if this is the end or the beginning.
– Valerie Parente (7-19-2026)
Accidental Invocations by Valerie Parente
I’m scared to let my hands touch each other
in case I have an intrusive thought,
because then God might mistake it for praying
for something that I don’t want.
When I lie down to sleep
I make sure I separate my hands
because what if I think bad things
and invoke my own nightmares?
I scramble to apologize
in case God is listening
but how can I rescind the lies
with the same voice that sins?
But then I remind myself
God’s language is genuine,
He need not know my words
because He knows my intentions.
If the universe had a voice
He would speak through energy
anxiety wouldn’t make a dent
to the creator of the grand scheme.
Fear no accidental invocations
from the obsessive compulsive thoughts,
God doesn’t reach us in the brain
He only reaches for the heart.
– Valerie Parente (5-3-2026)
Give Them Hell by Valerie Parente
I’m the monster
that my monsters are afraid of
because they wouldn’t be trying so hard to take me down
if they didn’t know what I’m capable of.
The truth is they believe in me
more than anyone else
so when I get paranoid and believe nothing is real
I can still believe in one thing, and that’s myself.
The dark entities in your mind
want to take you down to where the pain dwells
so if they’re gonna make a monster out of you
you might as well give them hell.
– Valerie Parente (10-26-2025)
Gossip by Valerie Parente
The voices in my head
like to gossip about me
little cliques from a school
a school of thought I attend daily.
They say never speak ill of the dead
but what if it’s the dead that speaks
leftover whispers from the depression
gossiping ghosts I already buried.
It’s anxiety that gossips
it’s intuition that simply breathes
with fear you’re not the one talking
you’re the one eavesdropping intently.
I will never be a victim to negative words
there is no need to go mad or worry
because the voices can’t talk behind my back
when I can see them right in front of me.
– Valerie Parente (10-18-2025)
Fear of Fear by Valerie Parente
I told myself not to think bad thoughts
but that was an impossible mission
because to try to ignore something
is to fail at ignoring it, by definition.
The fear of fear,
it’s a tricky little pest
what you’re afraid of might not be here
but you’re still afraid, nonetheless.
The fear of fear is a reality
and you are its loyal witness
don’t try to wish it away
don’t even try to resist
it can only lose its potency
once you accept that it exists.
– Valerie Parente (9-7-2025)
Irrevocable by Valerie Parente
In my anxiety
I imagine
if I lost it all
and in my anxiety
I imagine
my reaction
to if I lost it all
and the first thought that comes to mind
is “I’ve had such a great life”
because something about being without
makes me realize how unfathomably blessed I’ve been
and in what I lack in the present tense
I’ve gained the ability to see how the universe once filled that space
and to be able to recognize a miracle
is an irrevocable miracle in itself.
The world can decay and the universe can evaporate
but to no longer be blind to how life was great
is not a loss, it’s a gain.
– Valerie Parente (3-15-2025)
Untethered by Valerie Parente
Being free
and being dizzy
are one in the same
and I’ve never felt more untethered
than when I can’t think straight.
Being fluid
all is moving
and I feel the movement in me
not in sync with the rest
but so close, I am almost complete.
Being uninterrupted
I feel gratitude
when I remember I can feel this way
though I admit, I feel frustrated
when I remember this is not okay to say.
I dream
of this freedom
of being untethered again
moving and fluid
from the fluid within.
– Valerie Parente (2-16-2024)
Bewildered by Valerie Parente
How utterly perplexing
that the thing I want more than anything
is the thing I fear more than anything.
All that I try to draw towards me
I push away when it’s before me.
– Valerie Parente (3-3-2024)
Queen of Aversions by Valerie Parente
I have an endless list of aversions
since age 0, almost to my 30s
and it should come as no surprise
that it permeates every area of my life
so here’s my regal attempt
to call out my constant contempt.
The tense muscle, toes curling
intense reflex type of aversion
have to look away
kind of public display
is quite a strong affliction
for someone who claims indifference.
There’s a passion in aversion
a self-preservation so determined
because I don’t fear what’s not special
I fear the things that have potential
so when asked for proof, I’m self-destructive
with only answers in the form of assumptions.
To be one who feels so vehemently
there’s a very distinct possibility
that I falsely identified
the feeling of butterflies
as a sickness to the stomach
because my anxiety was confronted.
Could it really be a coincidence
that the girl with issues so intimate
always just so happens
to never find attraction?
As if I could accurately gage
fingers on the pulse of tangled veins.
Maybe I was just nervous
because on paper it was perfect
and I’m not used to face to face
facing my weakness, facing my strength
and I know I said I didn’t feel any romance
but the truth is, I didn’t give it a fighting chance.
– Valerie Parente (2-21-2024)
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