Tag: anxiety

Queen of Aversions

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Queen of Aversions by Valerie Parente

I have an endless list of aversions
since age 0, almost to my 30s
and it should come as no surprise
that it permeates every area of my life
so here’s my regal attempt
to call out my constant contempt.

The tense muscle, toes curling
intense reflex type of aversion
have to look away
kind of public display
is quite a strong affliction
for someone who claims indifference.

There’s a passion in aversion
a self-preservation so determined
because I don’t fear what’s not special
I fear the things that have potential
so when asked for proof, I’m self-destructive
with only answers in the form of assumptions.

To be one who feels so vehemently
there’s a very distinct possibility
that I falsely identified
the feeling of butterflies
as a sickness to the stomach
because my anxiety was confronted.

Could it really be a coincidence
that the girl with issues so intimate
always just so happens
to never find attraction?
As if I could accurately gage
fingers on the pulse of tangled veins.

Maybe I was just nervous
because on paper it was perfect
and I’m not used to face to face
facing my weakness, facing my strength
and I know I said I didn’t feel any romance
but the truth is, I didn’t give it a fighting chance.

– Valerie Parente (2-21-2024)

Antithetical Thesis

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Antithetical Thesis by Valerie Parente

I have this freedom
a freedom to express
but I am afraid
of my own success
and what it means
to let my laurels rest
because if you like what you see
then I can reap the benefits
but who wants to be a reaper
other than the lord of death?
I don’t want to kill my spark
I want the ever glowing brightness
but I’ve always been in love
with finding beauty in darkness.
It’s all so confusing
the antithetical thesis
the dissonance of my hopes
mixed with poetic justice
because I want to be free
and I want to be complex
but out there on a stage
you might see that I’m less.
I have to put myself out there
if I want to impress
but I crumble from criticism
because I’m such a pathetic narcissist.
I don’t really want the fame
I want the respect
because fame is the curse
that you get when you’re blessed.

– Valerie Parente (9-22-2023)

Ship In A Bottle

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Ship In A Bottle by Valerie Parente

I was meant to go places
but I was too afraid
so I hid in a bottle
and became a display.
Trying to preserve myself
might have been a mistake
because now I crave touch
but I’m perfectly encased.
Now I’ve come to realize
as I get older with age
I wasn’t fragile to begin with
I made myself this way
piecing myself together
in a teeny tiny space.
I limited my horizon
when I had potential for waves
but I know better now
this glass, I can break
and when the shards fall
I won’t be bound to one place.

– Valerie Parente (7-20-2023)

Not So Sweet

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Not So Sweet by Valerie Parente

Everybody has a bit of a sweet tooth
looking for that candy-coated praise
you wanna call me your honey
but baby I’m an acquired taste.

Maybe I’m not so prone
to that “sweetie pie” catch phrase
I swear I care, I really do
but I’ll be damned if I’m cliche.

Love is hard but loving me is harder
past the honeymoon phase
I’m trying my damn best
but boy oh boy am I to blame.

– Valerie Parente (11-29-2022)

Caution Tape

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Caution Tape by Valerie Parente

There’s caution tape
inside my mind
a labyrinth
of words and lines
wrapped around
like ivy or twine
and I don’t know
if I’m the type
to make the most
of warning signs
or if I’m simply
one of a kind
in a maze of trickery
I accidentally cosigned.
Maybe it’s wrong
maybe it’s right
maybe caution tape
is just a means to highlight
the potential in the darkness
that I can’t see inside
so I stand here guessing
what fate might decide.

– Valerie Parente (10-8-2022)

the illness that wants me all to itself

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the illness that wants me all to itself by Valerie Parente

There are voices in my head
that do not belong to me
and when you ask how I feel
I can feel them speak.
There is a pattern in the language
so ripe with irony,
“To be sick is strong,
to be healthy is weak.
The pain finds a cure
when you cut skin deep.
To be sober is trapped,
to be drunk is free.
When you avoid your fears
their power depletes.”
It’s as if by design,
this backwards philosophy,
and I have to share a home
with the voices on repeat.
But I am no lost cause,
I can still find my speech
and maybe that’s why
I can write it so easily.
This illness wants me all to itself
but it will never have entirety
because as long as I have a pen
I can differentiate between
a voice in my head
and the words that compete.

– Valerie Parente (8-20-2022)

That’s The Moon

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That’s The Moon by Valerie Parente

Look up high
at the night sky.
See that? That’s the moon
it’s not an excuse
it’s an explanation
to something complicated
something I don’t think I’ll ever fully understand
but when I break it down as a symbol I stand a chance
to make sense of the voice inside
this methodically mad mind.

Do you see that? That’s the moon
and it belongs to you too.

– Valerie Parente (6-16-2021)

The Harpy At Curtain Call (A Fantasy Chronicle)

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The Harpy At Curtain Call (A Fantasy Chronicle) by Valerie Parente

She’s got violet wings
claws for scratching
getting under your skin
with her keen language
a harpy at curtail call
a village so appalled
jet black eyes in a stupor
no irises, all pupils
absorbing all of the light
scanning the horizon for flight
so formidable to the townsfolk
like the creeper when exposed
and right before she takes off
she prays to the dawn
because she has so much fear
when the night inches near
because it’s easier to see the horizon
when the light is there for guiding
and she has so much faith
at the beginning of the day.

– Valerie Parente (6-13-2021)

The Owl Mind

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The Owl Mind by Valerie Parente

Nocturnal under the moonlight,
with visions of horror,
so many fears when it becomes night,
like a bad dream in color.

Intrusive images play in rotations,
amplified by the dark,
wide-eyed in your fixations,
as you perform your thoughts.

Something about the evening,
the howls elongate and stretch,
so foreboding like a demon,
so much worse when the sun sets.

Vigilant on treetops like a tower,
is it paranoia or being wise?
Everything is scarier after hours,
and yes, that includes my mind.

The owl mind is exhausting,
the owl mind you can’t trust,
but there is no other option,
dark will always follow dusk.

– Valerie Parente (3-31-2021)