It’s Not You, It’s Me by Valerie Parente
the problem isn’t you
it’s me
and my inability
to see you differently
– Valerie Parente (1-29-2020)
Tag: emotions
Playing With Storms (Diagnose Me)
Playing With Storms (Diagnose Me) by Valerie Parente
I’ve got five different disorders and I can’t afford to be diagnosed with another
But ever since the grief I’ve feel like my brain has spawned a new monster
My emotions are so intense and I freak out then repent
People ask me why I acted out
and I honestly can’t remember why
I remember doing the deed
but I don’t remember why I felt it was necessary
all I remember is that I really truly believed in the feeling’s intensity
and I played with thunderous storms even though I don’t even like the noise
and I think that’s pretty scary
when you can go 25 years understanding the string between your actions and emotions
then suddenly don’t remember why you did something so intense
its like you’re sitting in a backseat watching yourself
there’s a barrier between you and what you do
a major disconnect
and I can’t even begin to try to figure out why
I just know that my mind has become so hard to find
I’ve got five other disorders that I understand inside and out
but I don’t understand the reasoning behind this new rage filled spree
It would be so much easier to address this if someone could just diagnose me.
Please, just diagnose this storm inside of me.
Because then I can begin to master the storms artfully.
– Valerie Parente (1-28-2020)
Emotional Depth
Emotional Depth by Valerie Parente
On the nights I can’t express myself
It’s because I feel underwhelmed.
The world of feelings is my fuel
and I’ll be damned if I don’t bruise.
If there is no emotional depth
then I am nothing but useless.
– Valerie Parente (11-24-2019)
Figure Out Your Feelings
Figure Out Your Feelings by Valerie Parente
I hate when people pretend to feel neutral about something
when they already care.
And I hate when you pretend not to want me
then miss me when I’m not there.
Please figure out your feelings
because I don’t know how much more I can bare.
– Valerie Parente (11-24-2019)
Immaculate Introvert
Immaculate Introvert by Valerie Parente
I hate parties.
I always feel so out of place
like I don’t belong to the human race
because I can’t relate
to how other people operate
all the alcohol and games.
It’s not a problem with who I am,
it’s a problem with who I’m not
because that’s not what I want
when I think of the perfect job
I’d rather lose myself in thoughts
writing and drawings from my heart.
Creation feels better than partying,
creation is what I live to be
an artist on an emotional journey
making sense of the world consciously
that’s how I set my soul free
and be the best version of me.
– Valerie Parente (8-18-2019)
You And I
You And I by Valerie Parente
I need to stop making your problems mine…
… but they became my problem when you looked me in the eyes
and told me you despise
everything about your mind
but I think your thoughts are divine
so I said you’re one of a kind
and for those hours you cried
which was a beautiful sight
but I had to pretend to be blind
to keep you from turning to ice
then days and days went by
and you became surprised
that we were far more alike
than you were ready to find
so you made me the bad guy
and called it a crime
when I asked if you were fine
because for me to care if you’re alright
would surely be a sign
that we were on the same side
and you’re absolutely terrified
of people associating your name with mine
because then there’s a chance you might
feel emotions you’ve attempted to hide
but the truth is you were just as inclined
to see me in that light
that’s why you went and tried
to accuse me of crossing a line
even though you were the first to define
that there was a certain vibe
when it was just you and I
because one day you’d act nice
then the next day you’d pick a fight
because God forbid you admit you like
hanging out with a girl who can recognize
the anxiety you secretly abide
and I’m done obeying your fright
so I’ll call you out for your spite
whenever these feelings arise
then you’ll freak out and deny
that’s why I began to transcribe
all the psychological insight
that you try to push aside
and I’m sorry if that makes you uptight
but you can only blame your pride
because you’ve gone so long tied
between comfort and doing what’s right
for yourself and the person who understands your type
and I’m done making another compromise
for someone whose busy living a lie
and cares more about getting high
than connecting with someone who just summarized
what you’re too afraid to clarify
and if you hear me out then decide
to continue this self-destructive ride
then I hope that you realize
everything about you that I write
was an attempt to save your life
because I see you’re so dead inside
but I want you to be alive.
Align
– Valerie Parente (6-10-2019)
Empathy
Empathy by Valerie Parente
The most alive
I’ve ever felt
was when I empathized
with someone else.
– Valerie Parente (6-11-2019)
Confrontation
Confrontation by Valerie Parente
I was hoping for a confrontation
because confrontation is better than the static of listening to you lie to yourself again and again
and if you’re willing to sacrifice your emotional growth to be “right” then I have no problem spending time with people farther along in life.
– Valerie Parente (6-10-2019)
A Writer’s Threat
A Writer’s Threat by Valerie Parente
For years I have been my own muse.
If I make you my muse then you have done the near-impossible… you have overthrown my ego. Congratulations, you are divine in my eyes.
Just hope to God that you’ve become my muse for enchanting my life, not for inflicting senseless pain. Because if you try to write me off then I’m going to turn the writer on. If you ask me to stop then guess what? You just gave me a new prompt. I can orchestrate a symphony of sentences that will touch you to tears or I can arrange a thousand words into your personal hell. Both will pierce your heart ten times stronger than you pierced mine. And when you read what’s on my mind you better actually listen to the message and cherish the emotional chords it strikes, good or bad, because a storm of more rhymes and literary devices are about to head your way and tear apart every piece and particle that once constructed your comfort zone… and that’s going to continue happening with more and more force until I become your muse.
felt cute, might stab someone with my words later
– Valerie Parente (6-4-2019)
A Poetic Manifesto
A Poetic Manifesto by Valerie Parente
What it means to be an artist is that I take my life experiences and process them through a creative filter. My internal world manifests best through the art of written word. As a result, when I’m in pain I might write a “dark” piece. To those who find this work disturbing, this is my rebuttal.
I have every right to say anything I want to say
because this page is my stage and this is my brain
and the reason you felt uncomfortable when you read it
was because you have resonated with it.
If you become upset knowing that I am broken
then please understand that writing about my mental health
is how I begin to heal myself.
I will never stop emoting and hurting and healing and if any of this is problematic for someone then I pray you find the strength to learn how to be human one day.
– Valerie Parente (5-30-2019)
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