Sitting on Skulls and Bones

Sitting on Skulls and Bones by Valerie Parente

A pile of skulls and bones,
she sits on them like they’re her throne,
resenting the death that rots beneath
while presenting the depths of her beliefs.
So much destruction from perfectionism and ultimatums,
so in love with what she had, but love’s what made it complicated.
She was suspended in a bittersweet purgatory,
still existing, but never free,
not quite in heaven, not quite in hell
and you’d be surprised how bad that felt.
So she did what she does best,
she poured her heart out then she left
convinced there’d be a saviour,
but no one came to save her.
Now she mourns all the love she once had
while the things she loved don’t mourn her back.
It’s a truth she has yet to accept
so she built this throne out of death.
Coping by spinning gold
out of moping that has grown old.
So regal in all of her grief
turning life lessons into a trophy,
because there’s so much value in every loss
you don’t fully see it until it’s gone.
Now she sits here in grateful defeat
honoring the things she willingly reaped.
Dead and gone but not dead inside
because this gratitude is still raw and ripe.

– Valerie Parente (10-9-2020)

Missing You

Missing You by Valerie Parente

On anniversaries like today it feels like you’re missing
but it’s not a matter of missing you;
I just miss when the means to recognize you were easier
you still exist with me, just in a different shape and form
in a realm that isn’t easily perceived on earth.

– Valerie Parente (8-23-2020)

Black Hole: A State of Mind

Black Hole: A State of Mind by Valerie Parente

This meltdown is not circumstantial
this meltdown is a state of mind
and I believe this one was looming for months now
when everyday life got flipped upside down
and I didn’t have a chance to grieve the everyday life we had to collectively leave.

I’ve been trying to cope by distracting myself with the people who matter most
which is ten times harder when you have to distance yourself to maintain physical health
and I think after two months one little straw broke the camel’s back and I only knew how to overreact.
The circumstances never changed but a heavy darkness infected my mental state.

It doesn’t make sense for me to be as upset as I am about my personal circumstance
because it’s really not the end of the world
but this state of mind made it feel like I was going to die if I didn’t testify
and this heavy mass of pressure in my soul was simply waiting to cave in
like a black hole.

This state of mind will pass with time
but I’m so scared while I try to make it there
because every second in this black hole
feels like an eternity I can’t control
and I just want things to go back to normal.

– Valerie Parente (5-23-2020)

Surreal

Surreal by Valerie Parente

It’s so hard to believe that from now on when we talk about your presence
it’s going to be in past tense.
What we feel is what is real to us
and we still feel that you are here with us.

Tragic

– Valerie Parente (2-10-2020)

Love Again

Love Again by Valerie Parente

Love is not finite. It does not have an end cap. You do not need to think twice about how you distribute it. Just because I love someone new does not take away from the love I have for another being.
When you love again, the love does not get divided; it multiplies.
And that is why you don’t need to feel guilty for loving again. You can love again. You are meant to love again. That is your infinite gift.

– Valerie Parente (1-17-2020)

Emotionally Exhausted

Emotionally Exhausted by Valerie Parente

I’m emotionally exhausted
and I don’t know how to express it
I can only feel so much before I drown in it
and I can only hurt so much before I have to kill it
and I don’t want to walk away
but I don’t know what else to say
because I think I’ve exhausted all of my resources
talk, write, pray…
And all that’s left is just to rest
because I can’t deal with any more of this stress.

Only Human

– Valerie Parente (11-8-2019)