Untouched

May 20, 20201 Comment

Untouched by Valerie Parente

My 25 and a half years of suffering doesn’t come from not feeling good enough.
This is a constant issue of feeling like I am good enough
but like God keeps setting me up
for a million and one lessons
about how there’s absolutely no one
who could ever give a fuck
about the body I managed to save
when I tried to die young.

And you can go ahead and say I’m insane for being so broken up
but maybe you’d understand my kind of hell if you spent 25 and a half years untouched
while your mind continues to level up
I get better every day
but the night never comes
where I go to bed with someone
and maybe that’s God’s way of saying
I’m not meant to be loved.

– Valerie Parente (5-20-2020)

Ripped Open

January 5, 2020January 11, 2020Leave a comment

Ripped Open by Valerie Parente

Red Rose

My heart did not break,
it was opened up.
Sometimes it feels like we’ve been destroyed
when we’ve actually evolved into better versions of ourselves.

– Valerie Parente (1-5-2020)

Boys

December 8, 2019December 8, 2019Leave a comment

Baby Blue Boys by Valerie Parente

The teacher turned to the schoolgirls, “And what do we say when boys break our hearts?”

The girls raised their hands, “They get rid of our writer’s block.”

– Valerie Parente (12-8-2019)

the truth is, I’m frustrated

May 28, 2019May 28, 2019Leave a comment

the truth is, I’m frustrated by Valerie Parente

"the truth is, I'm frustrated" by Valerie Parente

I’ve been the strong one. I’ve proved I’m smart, have a heart, and can read the mind of the most troubled. I’ve traveled, I’ve stayed, I’ve gone out of my way, I’ve done everything under the sun to prove that I am good enough. I’ve felt high, I’ve felt brave, I’ve felt the electricity every cliché claims. I’ve given time, I’ve given space, and left you so amazed. I’ve been brutally honest, I’ve been reassuring, even when my mind was hurting. I’ve been a friend, I’ve been family, I’ve been a team-player even when you played me. I’ve been wise, I’ve been right, and I understand your mind when I write my lines. I’ve been forgiving, I’ve maintained a good mood even when I should have been rude. I’ve been sweet, I’ve been grateful, even when I should have hated you. I’ve been impressive, I’ve been respectful, I’ve shielded you from my pain even when it drove me mental. I’ve gone above and beyond and I did it for what?

At what point did I go wrong?
I see a boy care about me then I watch it dissolve.

What is it about me that nobody wants?
Because every time I care I become the saddest person of all.

The truth is, I’m frustrated, and I think I have every right to be. Because I’ve been the kindest person of all and the girl God needed from me. So why the hell am I alone? Why the hell am I unseen? I’m right in front of your faces being the best damn version of me.
Call me crazy, why not?
But I think it’s a damn shame
when you’re there for someone’s darkest hour but they won’t give you the time of day.

All I want is to be loved.
And I think I’m fairly done.
Because I don’t know how much longer I can be the strong one.

– Valerie Parente (5-28-2019)

One Dimension

September 4, 2018March 4, 2019Leave a comment

One Dimension by Valerie Parente

Somebody died today.
It felt like it was me
But it looked like it was you.
When I told you how I felt every word just bounced off you.
What meant years to me meant nothing to you
And how sad it is to be forgotten too.
They say smile because it happened
But how can I smile when you have no memory of me.
You’re a one dimension mind who can’t look back at our time
And I had you right in front of me
But there was a disconnect in your eyes.
The boy I knew had died
Without ever saying goodbye
And in one second the weight of three and a half years came down
And buried me ten feet in the ground.
You lost me and you lost what gave you meaning
But somehow I’m the one who’s grieving.

I hope you find your peace
And for the first time I realize you won’t find it in me.

– Valerie Parente (9-4-2018)