Bruised by Valerie Parente

After months inside my mind
when I finally decided to cry
it wasn’t because I hate this life
it was because I love this life
but I just can’t seem to do it right.

I keep falling for someone wrong
someone safe that leads me along
but when it comes time to choose
I’m just the girl who got confused
and I can’t think of anything more cruel
than making my mental illness the excuse
and in the same breath using it as an ego boost
and I’m so Goddamn sick of being used.

I don’t know how I’m ever going to trust again
because you were my best friend
and the worst part is that in the end
I look like the bad guy for having feelings
because whenever I care it’s an inconvenience
whenever I care it brings out demons
and it must be the sick part of me that’s still hellbent
on protecting you from the emotional consequence.

– Valerie Parente (6-2-2020)