Sitting on Skulls and Bones

Sitting on Skulls and Bones by Valerie Parente

A pile of skulls and bones,
she sits on them like they’re her throne,
resenting the death that rots beneath,
while presenting the depths of her beliefs.
So much destruction from perfectionism and ultimatums,
so in love with what she had, but love’s what made it complicated,
she was suspended in a bittersweet purgatory,
still existing, but never free,
not quite in heaven, not quite in hell,
and you’d be surprised how bad that felt,
so she did what she does best,
she poured her heart out then she left,
convinced there’d be a savior,
but no one came to save her,
now she mourns all the love she once had,
while the things she loved don’t mourn her back,
it’s a truth she has yet to accept,
so she built this throne out of death,
coping by spinning gold,
out of moping that has grown old,
so regal in all of her grief,
turning life lessons into a trophy,
because there’s so much value in every loss,
you don’t fully see it until it’s gone,
now she sits here in grateful defeat,
honoring the things she willingly reaped,
dead and gone but not dead inside,
because this gratitude is still raw and ripe.

– Valerie Parente (10-9-2020)

Like Fine China

Like Fine China by Valerie Parente

How can one be so strong and indestructible
yet appear like fine china, so fragile.
Royal blue details drawn on clay
art on top of an artistic display.
Breaking as I break down
a million pieces so jagged and profound.
I could use them to separate my skin
instead I made a vase out of porcelain.
I filled the china like a beautiful bouquet
with flowers that had already decayed
and everybody calls me a sick freak
because I can still see their beauty
but it’s them who fail to see
that dead flowers make great tea
and I’ll sip it as I grieve
remembering how it felt to be
like fine china, too pretty to comprehend
until they break me down again.

– Valerie Parente (10-5-2020)

I’m The Bad Guy

I’m The Bad Guy by Valerie Parente

I’m the bad guy
because I knew how to use my words to paint a picture of how it felt inside.
I’m the bad guy
because I wanted someone I cared about to have a permanent place in my life.
Somehow I’m the bitch and cold-hearted
because I removed myself so you could have the relationship that you wanted.
I’m the bitch and a creep
because losing all the good times devastated me.
I’m the psycho and a trouble-maker
for the tumultuous sadness I’ve put to paper.

I guess it just amazes me that to this day
I’m the one with all the blame
for the hyper-sensitivity I put on display,
the thing about me you once called a strength.
And you might ask “Why is she not over this yet?
Why can’t she shut up and just forget?”
But who cares? This is anonymous.
If its hard to read, that’s your own conscience.

I’m doing better in so many ways
but I think that as the seasons change
it reminds me of the old days
and that brings back a lot of pain
because nothing destroyed me more than when I left
well aware that I was about to lose a good friend
and every now and then I just need to express
the very worst feelings that once felt the best
because it’s still confusing to comprehend.

I want nothing but the ability to cope
with the scars that once marked my hope
and I’m not sure why I even have to explain myself
to the very people who ridiculed my mental health.

– Valerie Parente (10-3-2020)

Pick A Side

Pick A Side by Valerie Parente

I’m either a threat or I’m a mess.
This cannot be a dual process.
Because you say that I’m problematic
and then in the very same breath
that I have no influence on your conscience.
You cannot have it both ways,
I’m either intelligent or I’m crazed
and if you think I’m a combination of both
then you’re in support of the role I chose.

– Valerie Parente (10-2-2020)

How It Is

How It Is by Valerie Parente

How tragic it must be
to know you are someone else’s life lesson
in the grand scheme.

How frustrating it has been
to know I look like the bad guy
in someone else’s conscience.

But how remarkable it truly is
that being on someone’s mind
can have an impact on their life.

– Valerie Parente (9-26-2020)

We’re Headed for a Dystopia

We’re Headed for a Dystopia by Valerie Parente

The precedent we’re setting is incredibly scary
where I can’t talk and you can’t talk
unless both of us agree;
where my freedom and your freedom
is no longer free.
Our basic freedom to think
is our soul’s freedom to just be.
To recognize that opinions aren’t objective
is what marks our humanity;
to collect our differing ideas
is what make us a society.

I don’t know if we can get any more low
than our current reality
where people are in a race to ruin each other’s livelihoods
just because they don’t like the way someone else breathes
and I know we all mean well
but any form of censorship is the enemy
the right to feel is dissolving before our eyes
and I think it’s a symptom of a bigger disease
because my generation was given a broken world
and we feel more in control dictating how each other speak.
We all have a different mind
and I want to hear the different stories
but we are headed for a dystopia
if we can’t agree to disagree.

– Valerie Parente (8-22-2020)

Sad

Sad by Valerie Parente

I’m sad
about the things that still don’t make sense.
I’m sad
about decisions I try not to regret.
And I’m really sad
but I know that I did what needed to be done.
I guess I’m just sad
that you never tried to stop me once.

– Valerie Parente (9-23-2020)

There’s Clearly Something Wrong With Me But I Kind of Don’t Care Anymore

There’s Clearly Something Wrong With Me But I Kind of Don’t Care Anymore
by Valerie Parente

I once had a date try to kiss me
I shoved him off of me ever so quickly.
I once had a man grab me by the waist
I ran off before I could see the embarrassment on his face.
I once had a guy hold my hand on a walk
all I could think was “I can’t wait to wash him off”.
I once had a movie night with a boy that drove me insane
I was pissed when he interrupted every scene for foreplay.
I once had a guy ask me for a kiss
I was so damn uncomfortable I purposely missed.
I once had a boy text me over and over about his day
I didn’t add him in my contacts in the hopes he’d go away.
Not once, not twice, not even three times
did I go out of my way to make a fool of these guys
because when someone sees romantic potential in me
you can bet I’ll try to sabatoge it immediately.

– Valerie Parente (9-21-2020)

The Romance Experiment

The Romance Experiment by Valerie Parente

I hate trying to make my love life seem relevant
with this nonsense in the world known as The Romance Experiment.
It’s when I give someone a chance
before I get the chance to vomit
then I vehemently try to stop it
and don’t give you any options
back and forth with what I’m wanting
because one second I’m terrified of being alone
the next second I’m terrified of being anything but my own.

Yes it sure is fun, my love
trying to get intimate with me
and when I say I want intimacy
I mean intellectually.

– Valerie Parente (9-21-2020)