(At Least That’s What I Want You To Think)
by Valerie Parente
You resist, you resist
then when they agree
you feel dismissed
because you want what you can’t have
and you can’t let yourself have what you attract.
So close, but never enough
to break your fear of their touch.
Call it prude, call it in control,
but you’re just trapped in a role.
Perpetually tricking your inner voice
into believing isolation is a choice.
Depriving yourself from the ones
that understand where you come from
because what could be more commendable
than being the only one to understand yourself.
It’s a sick little charade
so fitting for your sick little brain,
where the very thing you want most
is the very thing that would destroy your ego.
And it’s funny in the end
because you want people to believe you’re complex
but you’ve already proven through your twisted issues
that something so complicated lives within you.
– Valerie Parente (12-20-2020)