Category: Poetry

The Very Real Reality

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The Very Real Reality by Valerie Parente

I talk openly about my mental health
in the hopes that it helps
the people who have a hard time with words
who need a voice that understands the hurt.
These themes revolve around love and loss
and how it replays in obsessive thoughts.
To some it may not seem pretty
but a light needs to be shined on OCD
instead of just ridiculed and teased
because this is the very real reality.
These are not personal attacks, they’re symptoms of a mental disorder
it’s not commentary on anybody except the sufferer.
I pray you can separate yourself from my mental health journey and find solace in this truth,
that when it comes down to brain chemistry, this has nothing to do with you.
You deserve to lead a life that is happy and free
but please, don’t look for that through me.

– Valerie Parente (8-21-2020)

I Don’t Care About “I’m Sorry”

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I Don’t Care About “I’m Sorry” by Valerie Parente

Over a decade of deep hurt
frustration that became a part of me
I longed for an explanation to return
but I don’t care about “I’m sorry”.
I realize I’m not going to be cured
by someone else’s apology.
I need to do the inner work
to become the savior I want to be
and I’m flattered by the remorse
but I can’t depend on a back and forth
to remind me of my self-worth
when I can find solace in my own words.

– Valerie Parente (8-20-2020)

For the Love of Fantasy

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For The Love of Fantasy by Valerie Parente

Nothing has ever made me feel more alive,
than turning a stream of consciousness into fantasy rhymes,
bringing to life dark fairytales that pull at heartstrings,
taking a subtle mood and honing the art of exaggerating.
The beautiful quality of fantasy and daydreamed worlds
is that nothing is literal, it’s all a hypothetical metaphor,
and just because I am the narrator of something literary
does not mean I’ve mistaken my story with reality.
I’m inspired by what’s in my psyche, not the world outside
creating scripts for daydreamers who don’t feel whole in real life.

– Valerie Parente (8-13-2020)

Still With Me

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Still With Me by Valerie Parente

I can’t believe its almost been a year
since I lost my ability to see the most important part of me,
the girl that gave me purpose
and reminded me that you can experience true love without the romance.
I love you Abby, and I still miss you terribly
but I know you will always exist within me,
just not in a way my five senses can perceive.

I love you, and I feel you every day
and I’ll never stop thanking you for the love you gave.
You were an angel here on earth, and now you get to be one infinitely,
I miss you sweet girl, but I know you’re where you’re meant to be.

– Valerie Parente (8-11-2020)

Cogs In This Machine

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Cogs In This Machine by Valerie Parente

The cogs in this machine
get stuck on repeat frequently
I understand the mechanics of my mind
and how it operates on rapid fire
but sometimes I need to be checked
because I have a tendency to forget
that it’s not normal to dwell and replay
and every now and then I need an update.
It’s gonna take a little grease
to loosen up my psyche,
so if you tell me its time for a cleanse
I’ll take your word and reflect.
It’s not easy for me but I’ll lend my trust
I’ll get down in the dirt and scrape the rust,
then when I get these OCD gears turning again
I’ll try to remember the importance of maintenance.

– Valerie Parente (8-10-2020)

Swift Relief

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Swift Relief by Valerie Parente

How beautiful
it is to see
another artist
blossoming
I feel her pain, and I admire her words
my mind feels heard, even though its her’s
and what a swift relief
when I detach from me
I finally feel free
as folklore speaks
another being’s story.
Its nice to feel haunted
by someone other than me
to feel a sense of sanity
through another’s humanity.

– Valerie Parente (8-9-2020)

A Blessing Named Tuukka

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A Blessing Named Tuukka by Valerie Parente

I was so afraid to love again
scared that the love I had for her would divide
but as soon as I met him
I quickly realized
that when a heart has no more room
just like magic, it multiplies.

– Valerie Parente (8-7-2020)

how did I get it so wrong?

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how did I get it so wrong? by Valerie Parente

You think I’m devastated from losing you
but I realize now, I never lost you,
I lost the person I thought you were.
I thought you were a best friend that valued my company,
I thought you were a best friend that I could spend hours talking to about anything and everything,
I thought you were a best friend that I could go on adventures with and learn what it means to be an adult with,
and the most devastating realization of all is that I thought you were a best friend who would never dare hurt me in the way that you did…
because you said you’d get back to me while I was struggling to breathe but as I was fighting for my breath you couldn’t have cared less and as the months came and went you replaced all the time we spent in a matter of seconds
and now I realize with tears in my eyes that to me you were the person I wanted to share my life but to you I was just a fill-in-the-blank until you found a better name.
I’m not saying you’re not allowed to grow up and have a life but, dear God, why did you have to make a game out of mine?

To anyone who’s cruel enough to call me a crazy bitch
because I have to write it all down since I still can’t speak about it out loud
then go ahead, do your worst, because I’m already hurt.
If it makes me a lunatic to be devastated by losing the past few years to someone who left me hanging in my own noose then go ahead and cut out my brain, examine its flaws, because I’ll be the first one to say that I’m a lost cause.

– Valerie Parente (8-6-2020)

On My Own

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On My Own by Valerie Parente

It’s been three months alone
trying to have adventures on my own
at the places we used to go
undoing every single milestone
’cause I’m single but not stone-cold
and I still get pretty emotional.

I’m making progress, but it’s slow
still learning how to cope
with this loss you called a hoax.
Lucky you, it was never official
but you know you still filled that role
created an illusion that felt whole.

In these past three months alone
I’ve found new ways to fill that hole
without relying on some hope
that a man could make me a home
because I’ve got home in my soul
and this ugly road made me feel beautiful.

– Valerie Parente (8-4-2020)