Mechanical by Valerie Parente
Everything I am is mechanical
Actions and reactions
To and fro
The way I’m drawn
To the old
These circuits in my mind
Predisposed
To compensate for years
I missed the most.
– Valerie Parente (1-4-2021)
Mechanical
Tag: mental health
It’s Complicated (At Least That’s What I Want You To Think)
It’s Complicated
(At Least That’s What I Want You To Think)
by Valerie Parente
You resist, you resist
then when they agree
you feel dismissed
because you want what you can’t have
and you can’t let yourself have what you attract.
So close, but never enough
to break your fear of their touch.
Call it prude, call it in control,
but you’re just trapped in a role.
Perpetually tricking your inner voice
into believing isolation is a choice.
Depriving yourself from the ones
that understand where you come from
because what could be more commendable
than being the only one to understand yourself.
It’s a sick little charade
so fitting for your sick little brain,
where the very thing you want most
is the very thing that would destroy your ego.
And it’s funny in the end
because you want people to believe you’re complex
but you’ve already proven through your twisted issues
that something so complicated lives within you.
– Valerie Parente (12-20-2020)
The Ongoing Paradox
The Ongoing Paradox by Valerie Parente
When you’re an artist they call it inspiration.
When you’re mentally ill they call it exploitation.
So how am I supposed to cope
when I seek solace as both?
– Valerie Parente (12-7-2020)
Poetry Reading & Analysis (Dissonant Demons ~ Self-Sufficient Psyche ~ Love Is Immortal) (VIDEO)
Features “Dissonant Demons”, “Self-Sufficient Psyche”,
and “Love Is Immortal”
from Rather Be Haunted on Amazon.com
Some Kind of Mania
Some Kind of Mania by Valerie Parente
She didn’t just burn that bridge,
she blew it the fuck up,
tied fireworks to the rails,
then promptly set them off.
Glitter filled the sky,
while the bridge became dust,
but she’s a visual person,
so it was worth the fun,
sparkles decorating the air,
after an explosive run,
and that bridge between castles,
was as good as done.
She let the embers rain down,
proud of the woman she’s become.
– Valerie Parente (11-10-2020)
The Beauty of Darkness (III)
The Beauty of Darkness (III) by Valerie Parente
I do not feel shame
when I am in pain;
I feel grace.
Pain gives you the opportunity to create
something authentically great
from a negative space
and it shows the utmost grace
when you can find honor
in an unfavorable mental state.
– Valerie Parente (11-6-2020)
Twice That Age
Twice That Age by Valerie Parente
I’m starting to feel remorse
that I’ve never felt before
for the people that I’ve hurt
in trying to protect me first.
I know obeying my fragile mind
doesn’t make me the bad guy
but it’s hard not to cry
when a decade later you see the signs.
There were a lot of people trying to help
and life-altering feelings were felt.
I let misunderstandings hurt my health
and manifested my own kind of hell.
I don’t regret it to this day
but I reject the games I played
because I decided to wait and wait
and choosing nothing is a choice to waste.
I only ever wanted one thing
and if I just quit the shit I could have had it.
Maybe now that I’m twice that age
I can get back what I pushed away
because what I truly want is still the same
and I think destiny is on the same page.
– Valerie Parente (10-27-2020)
Idiosyncratic Pain
Idiosyncratic Pain by Valerie Parente
I don’t want to be known for my pain,
I want to make the most of my pain,
and if that entails
emotions to prevail
in a story that parallels
my particular mental hell
and I can make you understand
a specific circumstance
then all will be fine
’cause baby, I’m one of a kind.
– Valerie Parente (10-22-2020)
Flash Fiction Reading & Analysis (The Creeper ~ Sage of Tarkus) (VIDEO)
Features “The Creeper” and “Sage of Tarkus”
from The Artist, The Muse on Amazon.com
Being Abnormal
Being Abnormal by Valerie Parente
It’s just lonely…
when you’re not allowed to express pain
because you’re the mentally ill girl who can’t be taken seriously,
when you’re not allowed to drive the freeway
because no one has faith in the skills you’ve achieved,
when you’re not allowed to paint your face
because you never give in to a normal level of intimacy,
when you’re not allowed to respond to hate
because defending your mental state is a luxury,
when you’re not allowed to remember heartbreak
because normal people don’t take this long to grieve,
when you’re not allowed to cut to the chase
because only crazy people act with so much honesty.
It just gets kind of lonely inside my brain
when even your loved ones can’t understand how you operate,
because I know that my honest-to-God pain only frustrates,
adding a whole new layer to what should be normal heartbreak.
I guess what I’m trying to say
is that ordinary things like a broken heart or a common sickness
are a lot harder to cope with when you have a mental illness
because people always have a million rational reasons for why you’re incorrect
but your hyper-sensitive mind has never been dictated by such logic.
– Valerie Parente (10-9-2020)
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