Twice That Age by Valerie Parente

I’m starting to feel remorse
that I’ve never felt before
for the people that I’ve hurt
in trying to protect me first.

I know obeying my fragile mind
doesn’t make me the bad guy
but it’s hard not to cry
when a decade later you see the signs.

There were a lot of people trying to help
and life-altering feelings were felt.
I let misunderstandings hurt my health
and manifested my own kind of hell.

I don’t regret it to this day
but I reject the games I played
because I decided to wait and wait
and choosing nothing is a choice to waste.

I only ever wanted one thing
and if I just quit the shit I could have had it.
Maybe now that I’m twice that age
I can get back what I pushed away
because what I truly want is still the same
and I think destiny is on the same page.

– Valerie Parente (10-27-2020)