Tag: Poetry

Typical Feeling

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Typical Feeling by Valerie Parente

It’s not fair for me to attach myself to memories
because the things that are important to me
aren’t necessarily admired equally
it doesn’t matter how strongly I believe
feelings are not facts, they’re just brain chemistry
and maybe if I accept that as my reality
then I wouldn’t seem like this OCD creep
memorizing feelings that nobody else reads
it’s a habit that’s no longer helping me breathe
because appreciating details gets pretty lonely
and reading your energy exerts my energy.

I guess it was just a typical feeling
that I glorified beyond its meaning
then modified my priorities like a chameleon
and fell for traits that promote teasing
a mistake I’ve made before, despite reason
but this time I finally stopped believing
and I’ll never go back to daydreaming
because this match was never even
just a rigged game I used for healing
and in that way I was also scheming.
I guess there’s nothing special about my demons.

– Valerie Parente (6-16-2020)

I Wouldn’t Change A Thing

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I Wouldn’t Change A Thing by Valerie Parente

I’m still trying to untangle the web of associations I made with you
because you were present during some of my greatest moods.
I tried so many new things with you alongside me
I became an adult and I filled a hole that was deep.
Part of me thinks I never should have let that joy inside
but what kind of world would it have been without all the good times?
The conclusion to this relationship will always be a shame
but someday I know I’ll be able to remember without the pain.
If I could choose between what I wanted and what’s currently happening
then I can assure you beyond a doubt that I wouldn’t change a thing.

– Valerie Parente (6-11-2020)

Why?

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Why? by Valerie Parente

I’m really not trying to live in the past tense
but why after all the ways you made my mind bend
do I still want to protect you from the consequence
of how you destroyed me with your actions?

I’m really not trying to cause any hurt
you might even ask “why would she print these words?”
and it’s because I’ll never be able to move forward
until I put these feelings on the record.

“Destroyed from the Inside Out” by Valerie Parente

– Valerie Parente (6-9-2020)

I Was Enough

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I Was Enough by Valerie Parente

Sometimes I wish I was enough
but then I remember
I was enough to freak you out
I was enough to take your time
I was enough to get under your skin
I was enough to move your mind
I was enough to cause concern
I was enough to pick a fight
I was enough to hurt your feelings
and I was enough for you to apologize
over the course of years and years that went by.

I don’t wish I was enough any more
because I recognize this back-and-forth
I was way too much at the end of the day
and I know that’s why I couldn’t stay.

– Valerie Parente (6-8-2020)

Bruised

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Bruised by Valerie Parente

After months inside my mind
when I finally decided to cry
it wasn’t because I hate this life
it was because I love this life
but I just can’t seem to do it right.

I keep falling for someone wrong
someone safe that leads me along
but when it comes time to choose
I’m just the girl who got confused
and I can’t think of anything more cruel
than making my mental illness the excuse
and in the same breath using it as an ego boost
and I’m so Goddamn sick of being used.

I don’t know how I’m ever going to trust again
because you were my best friend
and the worst part is that in the end
I look like the bad guy for having feelings
because whenever I care it’s an inconvenience
whenever I care it brings out demons
and it must be the sick part of me that’s still hellbent
on protecting you from the emotional consequence.

Boy Problems

– Valerie Parente (6-2-2020)

Art is Magic

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Soul Purpose

“Soul Purpose” by Valerie Parente

Art is Magic by Valerie Parente

“Why do I create the greatest art
when I’m in the greatest pain?”
“Because the artist is a magician
taking something as ugly as heartache
and turning it into something beautiful.
That is the true power in you.”

– Valerie Parente (5-31-2020)

Good Times

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Good Times by Valerie Parente

I held on through so many fights
because of all the good times
some of the best moments of my life
but now I’ve begun to realize
you can’t continue with those highs
if the other person doesn’t recognize
the value you have in each others’ lives.

– Valerie Parente (5-30-2020)

I Can’t Do The Math

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I Can’t Do The Math by Valerie Parente

I’m not good at the logical stuff
and I’m kind of sick of things not adding up.
Because all the things that should make sense
wind up harder and harder to comprehend.
It’s starting to feel like forever
I’ve been putting piece and piece together
but I can’t do the math at hand
when I’m the only one trying to understand.

– Valerie Parente (5-29-2020)