Antithetical Thesis by Valerie Parente

I have this freedom
a freedom to express
but I am afraid
of my own success
and what it means
to let my laurels rest
because if you like what you see
then I can reap the benefits
but who wants to be a reaper
other than the lord of death?
I don’t want to kill my spark
I want the ever glowing brightness
but I’ve always been in love
with finding beauty in darkness.
It’s all so confusing
the antithetical thesis
the dissonance of my hopes
mixed with poetic justice
because I want to be free
and I want to be complex
but out there on a stage
you might see that I’m less.
I have to put myself out there
if I want to impress
but I crumble from criticism
because I’m such a pathetic narcissist.
I don’t really want the fame
I want the respect
because fame is the curse
that you get when you’re blessed.

– Valerie Parente (9-22-2023)